I Was Just Following You
by BarbaraChilde
Summary: Blair's back in NYC and is looking for company. M For later sMut!
1. Chapter 1

A bubble of noise erupted into the quiet street as Dan opened the door of the bar and stepped out onto the pavement. He held it open as Blair sailed through the doorway behind him, serving the bar staff a vitriolic earful as she held her nose firmly aloft.

She stopped abruptly on the sidewalk and glared at Dan. "I cannot believe they cut us off! This would never happen at the Oak Room." She kicked her foot toward the door of the bar and her shoe flew off, clattering across the sidewalk. "Damn! Can you get that for me, Humphrey? Please. I'll catch foot and mouth disease if I touch this sidewalk!" She looked pleadingly at him as she stood precariously on one foot.

Dan laughed. "I don't think it helped that the bartender thought we were having an argument, and you spilt your last martini over that innocent girl."

"Innocent! My foot. And speaking of which, Humphrey..."

He leaned down to grab her shoe then knelt down by her side and grabbed her bare foot, caressing it momentarily with his fingers. Blair rested her hand on his shoulder for balance as he slipped the shoe back over her toes. "There you are, Cinderella."

She kept her hand on Dan's shoulder as he slowly rose to his feet. "We weren't arguing either, we were having a civil debate. And you're wrong as usual, Humphrey, Bukowski was not the literary voice of American white trash; he was just a misogynistic ranting drunk. Besides…" Blair paused as she picked a piece of lint from his shirt and giggled, "…that girl was wearing a horrible dress."

He rolled his eyes. "You could have at least said sorry to her, Waldorf. And, uh, civil debates don't usually include shirt gripping and chest jabbing."

"She stumbled into me. And you weren't listening to me!" Blair smiled and narrowed her eyes. "I proved another point, anyway. I can keep up with you, Humphrey, drink for drink."

Dan returned the smile. "Yeah, well, except for the one you spilt and the one you didn't like?"

"I had one, or maybe two, before you arrived tonight." Blair stumbled a little on the curb and Dan grabbed her arm to steady her.

The street grew more deserted as they weaved their way down the street, bumping shoulders occasionally. The silence was welcoming after the noise of the bar.

Blair stopped under a streetlight. "Where are we going now? Are there any bars down here?"

Dan looked around. "I have no idea. I was just following you."

Blair groaned. "Well, I was just following you. I want to drink more. I haven't been drunk all summer. It's obscene. Apparently it's unseemly for royal fiancées to be seen having more than a glass of champagne. Where's another bar?"

"We'll have to walk a couple of blocks."

Blair let out an exasperated sound. "In these heels?"

"I'm sorry there is no limousine awaiting your beck and call, madam, but you're the one who insisted we hang out in Brooklyn, so no one would know you'd returned to New York yet."

"You made me get thrown out of a bar! The moral depth's I plunge to when I'm in your company, Humphrey…it's disgraceful! I'm sure there must be a closer bar you can take me to." Blair began to walk down the street again, picking up her pace. Dan had to hurry to keep up with her.

"Well, you can come back to the loft if you want. It's probably easier to calmly debate controversial topics there."

"But I need hard liquor. I will not drink beer or whatever other horrors you may have in your man cave."

"Umm, I can make you vodka martinis, sans the olive, and, uh, show you the Jean-Jacques Beineix collection I bought myself for my birthday?"

"The whole collection?"

"Uh huh. I'll even let you turn the English subtitles off and you can translate the dialogue for me. You know you always complain about having the screen polluted."

"Humphrey, I really don't know. The olive really makes the martini. What kind of vodka do you have?"

"Umm, there's a bit of Grey Goose that Nate left some time ago. And a full bottle of Stolly."

"You present a compelling case, Humphrey. I get to pick which movies we watch though."

Dan grinned a little foolishly at her. "Good, well, then, uh, I have an idea."

"That sounds dangerous, Humphrey. Don't strain something."

Dan turned left down an alleyway "Waldorf, come this way..."

"Are you sure this is safe, Humphrey. I was always told to stay out of alleyways after dark. Especially in Brooklyn"

"I'm hunting cocktail olives. There's a 7-11 this way. It'll be worth hazarding the alleys for."

xoxo

Dan awoke the next morning to the sound of the door shutting. He lay on his sofa with a splitting headache, unable to remember going to sleep. The smell of the empty glasses on the table next to him turned his stomach. There was no sign of Blair.

Memories of the evening flooded into his head, making the pounding worse. He had lured Blair back to the flat, offering alcohol and companionship, telling himself that his motives were pure; so desperate to see her alone. Wanting to awaken the intent look in her eyes when they were deep in discussion. When her attention was focused entirely on him and he would do or say anything to keep it there.

He'd been just so delighted that she was back and wanted to see him, he'd failed to keep a firm grip on the precarious emotional state he found himself in, every time he was around her. He had forgotten exactly how intoxicating she was. All the distance he though he'd created from her over the summer had vanished.

The last thing he remembered was watching _Betty Blue_. She had fallen asleep not far into the movie, her head resting on his leg. He was thankful for this; she was so close to him, he wouldn't have been able to keep his physical agitation hidden from her. He had sat and watched the whole movie, imagining enacting some of the scenes with Blair. Unable to move in case she woke up and sprung him in his semi-aroused state. Feeling helpless and hopeless as her head lay in his lap.

Dan groaned at the memory, feeling pathetic and miserable. He walked to the kitchen to get a drink of water, trying to clear his head. On the bench was a note, in Blair's precise copperplate.

_I have to go and see a woman about a dress. I'll call you later. I need you to come check out some reception venues with me. __Do not,__ I repeat, do not wear a t-shirt with a logo or some band on the front."_

Dan's heart fell. It was one thing being Blair's confidante, but being her unofficial wedding adviser was entirely another. He should say he was busy this afternoon. He shouldn't make himself so available to this woman.

He looked down to read the rest of the note.

_Now follow the arrows_

_Later,_

_B_

Sitting on the bench to the right were two painkillers and a bottle of Perrier. Dan rubbed his head. She disarmed him every single time.

_Who was he kidding? What the hell was he going to do today instead? Think some more about whatever the fuck he was going to do now writing was clearly a useless career path for him to follow?_

Dan necked the painkillers and headed to the bathroom, mentally discarding every t-shirt he owned.

He had never wanted to please anyone so much.


	2. Chapter 2

Blair couldn't understand why she had started to feel so agitated when she was in Dan Humphrey's presence. He had always been so safe; even enough to kiss without compunction.

He was the first person she had contacted when she arrived in New York. Of course, that meant nothing. Serena, Nate and Chuck were in California and Eleanor was still in Paris. She had no errands she wanted her minions to run, yet, so she didn't give it a second thought when she texted Dan to meet up with her. She had changed her clothes three times before settling on new season Miu Miu to wear. She had to look good in case she ran into the paparazzi…God forbid.

She had felt so on edge before she had met up with Dan; she downed several drinks before he even showed up. She cursed him for being late, until she realised she was 45 minutes early. So she ordered a double and waited. Dan had showed up precisely to the second.

The evening had proceeded more comfortably than Blair could have imagined, until they got kicked out of the bar. It had definitely been a mistake to go back to his loft, whatever else she had thought at the time. But that was the problem. It should have been completely safe heading into Humphrey territory. It had never been a consideration before. When had their friendship had stumbled into dangerous territory?

Blair had more fun than she'd had for a while, for most of the night. They had giggled their way through the first movie they watched at the loft. She smiled as she remembered Dan's laughter at her translations of the dialogue.

_("She doesn't say that to him!"_

"_She does, I swear, scout's honour."_

"_You were never a girl scout!"_

"_I was! You have never seen anything so cute as Serena and I in our uniforms.")_

They had made a serious dent into the vodka, when Blair had picked the directors cut of _Betty Blue _for the next movie. It had been warm and comfortable and cosy. She had missed this simple camaraderie so much in Monaco.

They had been intently discussing _something,_ when she had completely lost the thread of their conversation. Out of the blue, his dark eyes and deep voice had overwhelmed her.

She had been sitting so close to him she could hear his voice rumbling in his chest. She had felt an urge to lay her head on his shoulder to feel the baritone cadence of his words.

Dan had looked at her, concerned. "Blair? Are you ok? You're looking at me very oddly. Is something wrong with your martini?"

She wasn't able to answer him immediately; she had felt so perturbed. The lock of dark hair that always curled over his brow, no matter what he tried to do with it. She imagined curling it around her fingers and the desire to touch it had become so all consuming, she had wanted to sit on her hands.

She took a deep breath. "I think maybe the olives were bad. Did you check the use by date? The jar was dusty. They've probably been on that shelf in the 7-11 since martinis were invented." Blair felt herself babbling and her face flushing pink. "I'm going to lay my head down on this cushion."

She had lain there, acutely aware of the warmth seeping up from Dan's leg to her brow and his hand resting on her arm, fingers thoughtlessly caressing. Watching the movie became even more perilous. She had forgotten how sexy _Betty Blue _was. Every time Dan had stroked his thumb across her arm, she had felt her temperature rising. As the movie progressed, she had had to shut her eyes and pretend she was asleep, afraid she would betray the shameless thoughts in her head. She hadn't been able to get up and leave. She'd just lain there, trying to subdue the conflicting emotions of panic and desire tormenting her.

_It's not Humphrey. It's the alcohol and the movie. It's not him._

Waking on the sofa in the grey dawn had been like déjà vu. Dan lying asleep, with his hand resting on her shoulder as her head lay in his lap. She had not wanted to move but forced herself to slip out of his hold without disturbing him. After writing a quick note, she let herself quietly out the door.

_I won't call him, despite what I said in the note. The best cure for physical infatuation is denial. Don't call him. Just ignore him and he'll go away. _

She pulled out her phone and scrolled through the numbers, looking for any name that she could take reception hunting instead.

_Kati, Iz... hopeless. Serena...in California...but she would be almost as useless as the minions. Eleanor…No. Nate…same problem as Serena. Lily…Still on house arrest. Nelly Yuki would be even worse than Chuck._

It was impossible to go alone and it couldn't wait until Louis arrived in two weeks. There was no one but Humphrey.

Blair realised that was the first time she had thought of Louis that day.

xoxoxoxo

Blair had made Dan go to half of the possible reception venues in New York and then proceeded to show him the detailed itinerary she had made to ensure they could cover the remainder the following day.

She had talked non-stop all afternoon. Dan didn't really mind as it kept his thoughts away from what he really wanted to say to her. Having her condemn every wedding venue they had looked at as completely inappropriate was satisfying enough. It had bought to mind a short story by W. S. Maugham, where a man had escaped marriage by never finding the perfect house. He had followed her in amused silence, while she delivered her scathing opinion on décor, staff, street access, lighting and hygiene respectively.

Blair was still resolute. "Today was not a failure. We managed to exclude everything south of Central Park. I am determined to confirm the reception venue by tomorrow. Invitations have to be sent out by the end of the month but I can't even confirm numbers until I have the reception venue. But I have great hopes for the French Embassy, so that's first on the list tomorrow."

Dan rolled his eyes, not quite sure how he was going to cope with another day of tagging behind Blair, explaining to helpful staff that he wasn't the groom. By the fourth venue that day, they had both given in and played along. Blair playing the dominating bride and Dan, the bored resigned groom. It had been kind of fun, in a nihilistic kind of way.

After she had condemned the last venue of the day, Dan had felt his amusement waning. "OK, Blair, you have to look at this logically. November is the month you are getting married in. You have 4 weekends to choose from. Where is the ceremony going to be? Get your calendar and look at your options using a process of elimination."

"You can't plan a wedding with just rationality, Humphrey! I will not choose a reception venue based on just convenience. It has to be perfect. Louis and I have to get married in St Peter's Cathedral so I've booked it to cover the whole month. Don't ask me what that took. Louis's mother said that if we aren't marrying in Monaco, we have to be especially careful of following protocol."

"Why are you marrying in New York? I wouldn't have thought the royal family would have let you do it."

"I pleaded with Louis and Sophie. I start back at Columbia on Monday and need to have everything in place so I can completely concentrate. Princesses do not fail classes or get fired from internships."

"So, that's why you're having the wedding in New York. So you can complete your studies here?"

"It was an agreement Louis and I made. I'll probably transfer to a university in France for my final year. I will not be a mousy, uneducated princess."

"I didn't realise princesses even did internships."

Blair snorted and then blushed.

Dan laughed at her. "That's not a very lady like sound. But seriously, are you sure you can manage this, Blair? Remember what happened last time? You don't want to show up to the church with two different shoes on."

"Please! I have so many minions now; I could stay in bed for the next 6 months. I'm going to prove that a princess can do internships and anything else she pleases."

"That's a very noble sentiment, Waldorf."

Blair made an outraged exclamation. "You know what I mean, Humphrey! Don't twist my words."

"I don't need to. You're doing an excellent job of that already."

They found themselves at Veselka at dusk.

The memories of the last time she had been there crowded into Blair's head. She thought about the emotion she had felt when she saw Dan sitting at the counter, the day she had come to meet Louis. She had dismissed it as fear at the time, that he would expose Louis, but she now recognised in it an element of elation as well. It might have faded quickly, but it had been there, nonetheless. Elation at the idea that he might have followed her to tell her that the kiss had meant something; that she was making a mistake with the Prince; that there were other options.

_But he hadn't. Which was good wasn't it? She didn't need romantic yearnings from Humphrey complicating their friendship. He felt just as platonically about it as she did._

Blair couldn't understand why this didn't feel as good as she thought it should.

Her desire to verbally joust with Dan faded as she disconsolately peered at him over the top of her menu.

Dan fell silent as she looked at him. He returned her gaze seriously, his eyes darkening as he looked questioningly at her. "Blair, there must be something bothering you. You've talked incessantly all day and now you're silent, you're not even listening to me."

"I have to go… I've just remembered. I have a meeting...a fitting…"

He looked at her quizzically. "On a Friday evening? I thought you just had a fitting this morning?"

"I've changed my mind, I hate the colour, everything's wrong… I don't want to be in some frumpy Kate Middleton dress but I can't seem to talk them out of the sleeves. I'm going to end up looking like an Edwardian nurse. Apparently the rules of how much flesh a royal bride can show are very strict. The people may revolt if they see more than my fingertips." Blair said, gushing out her words to cover the awkwardness she was feeling.

"Ahh, that's what made you look like the bottom had just fallen out of your world a few moments ago. Hmm, emergency, I can see the headlines now, 'Bridezilla hits New York.' Reputations tumble in the blink of any eye. At least eat some pierogies before you go."

"You can't eat pierogies before a dress fitting!"

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow. The Polanski festival is starting at MoMA on Wednesday. Are you keen?"

"Maybe."

Blair had nearly run out of the restaurant, heart pounding and cheeks flushed. _Why was Humphrey having this effect on me? He should be safe, safe, safe. I have Louis. I've forsworn Chuck. I can't feel this now!_

Her phone beeped as she tried to flag a taxi down.

_Welcome back Upper East Siders. Queen B has been spotted with none other than our own Lonely Boy in her first appearance back in NYC. Looks like he's playing wedding adviser and body guard in the absence of her other Lady and Lords-in-waiting. I wonder what Serena is going to think when she see B using her old handbag?_

Blair sighed, she had hoped to get more done before Gossip Girl realised she was back on the radar. And she felt vaguely resentful that someone was referring to Humphrey as her handbag. There was nothing for it. She would have to find someone other than Dan to accompany her on her mission to find the perfect reception venue.

xoxoxoxo

Dan felt a mixture of relief and despair when he received Blair's text, calling off the next day's plans. It had been sweet torture seeing her but he doubted he could keep it up much longer, without doing something stupid. He probably wouldn't see her much after this, as classes were starting again for both of them and royal protocol probably demanded that she not hang out with nobodies from Brooklyn.

He knew she wouldn't have liked the Gossip Girl blast that he'd received shortly after she'd left Veselka. It hadn't been that bad. It had just made him look like an idiot.

As he arrived back at the loft, Dan collected his mail. A letter marked in Spanish with an A. Abrahms scrawled on the back, followed by an illegible address; his Internet bill and a notice to pick up a parcel at the post office, as it wouldn't fit into his letterbox.

He looked at it more closely as he walked up the steps to the loft, wondering why Vanessa hadn't just sent him an email instead. Maybe she thought that he would just delete it before opening it, but he wouldn't be able to resist a hand written letter. She was right, but it didn't necessarily mean he would read it.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened the letter as he stood in the kitchen. Something fluttered to the floor as he unfolded the single page.

_Dear Dan,_

_I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship forever and that you'll come to understand that I did what I did with your best interests at heart. There is no way of easing this to you so I'll just come out and write it. I found a publisher for your book and it's going to be released in early November._

_I had to do it. It's too good, Dan. You would have let it moulder away until it was irrelevant or edited into meaninglessness. I know what you said to me, but you cannot sacrifice your art for these people who, despite what you think, are not your friends. _

_I hadn't finished the ending when I spoke to you on the phone that night but I was certainly surprised when I did. I don't know how you can possibly feel the way you clearly do toward a person you used to despise. But no woman could read words like these addressed to her and remain unmoved, prince or no prince. Unless she's entirely made of ice, which could definitely be the case here._

Dan read the rest of the letter with a growing sense of dread. The publishers basically thought that Vanessa had ghost written it for a New York socialite, which is why they had agreed to publish it with anonymous as the author. She had included copies of the contracts and royalty payment details with the advance book copies she had sent by registered mail. The advance cheque enclosed in the letter was everything left over after Vanessa had covered her costs. Which were also detailed in papers she had sent with the book.

_I doubt you could stop the book release now unless you burnt down the printers. The release date for the book is the 1__st__ of November and they're apparently about to begin the marketing campaign._

_Enjoy it, Dan. The reviews from the test audience have been incredible and the publishers think it's going to be a number one this winter. You should step up and take ownership._

_With love (even if you don't want it)_

_Vanessa _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N's Thanks so much for the reviews. They inspire me to keep going with this! This is the first time I've published anything warm, so I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think. **

**And I forgot to say earlier. I can only worship at the altar of Dan and Blair and have to give them back after I get to have this little play with them.**

Dan threw Vanessa's letter down onto the kitchen bench and then leant down to pick up the cheque. His eyes widened at the amount printed on the slip.

He had known she had taken the manuscript because the copy he had printed for himself as a final proof to read, and then archive and put behind him forever, had disappeared on the disastrous night she had called him from the loft. He hadn't looked at it since; his only copy of the final draft was now stuffed at the back of a drawer on an old thumb drive.

He rifled through the drawer, throwing papers to the floor in a panic, desperate to reacquaint himself with the words he'd written.

Dan had been working on the manuscript for the past 5 years but it had only been shaped into it's current form during the past winter and fall. Working feverishly, editing and rewriting in every spare moment he had, which had been many since Blair had hooked up with the prince. His journal ignored as he'd poured all his hopes and final disappointments into the 257,862 words.

Until it had been done. Dan consigned it to the devil then, sure it would just be another useless piece of writing to file away and forget. Not even reading it completely in it's final form after Vanessa had desecrated it.

He finally tipped the drawer upside down, emptying it onto the floor. Scrambling through the debris until his fingers closed on the thumb drive. With trembling hands, Dan plugged it into his laptop. There it was - Inside/version6/draft11_.PDF._

Hesitating to open it, he walked to the fridge to grab another beer. This was probably going to take a while.

Dan read the words he had written with his heart pounding in his chest. It was even worse than he had remembered. His mind raced. _They are seriously going publish this? It's just a romantic rant, that just happens to detail all the secrets and misdemeanours that my circle of friends…soon to be enemies…had got up to in the past five years. I never wrote this to be published. _

He sank back into his words. Letting himself revisit all the raw emotion he had felt when he was writing them.

_If Angela was the sun, radiant and energetic, then Sophie was the moon, luminous in her darkness._

_And he knew then. Sophie had eclipsed Angela for him, forever. He couldn't work out when she had started to rule his heart and mind. But it was done. And there was no turning back, no matter the consequences._

Dan awoke with his cheek pressed into the keyboard of his laptop. He sat up with a start, knocking over the empty bottle next to him. He stretched his arms and yawned, blinking in the strong morning light. His eyes took in the mess around him.

_It doesn't matter in the end. She's marrying the Prince anyway. I'm going to have to tell her. What will be will be. _

Depression descended like a spectre but it only hardened Dan's resolve. He knew he could try and get the book publication cancelled. But he wasn't going to. He was going to take this bus, no matter where it took him.

xoxoxoxo

Blair arrived home to an empty house. Dorota had left for the day and the silence of the penthouse pressed upon her. She felt disconcerted; she had had less contact with Humphrey over the past 12 days than she'd had for months. While she had been in Monaco, they had contacted each other every few days, every email always soliciting an answer. Being unable to make themselves stop, the emails kept bouncing back and forth across the Atlantic. Not allowing herself to contact Dan felt peculiar. She had become so accustomed to it.

Blair had filled her time playing wedding planners off against each other and refamiliarising herself with the Columbia campus. She had dropped her modern American literature and journalism classes for European history, politics and global economics.

She had thought she would have enjoyed herself more, getting her teeth back into something meaningful, but she found her minions clingy and her new classes unfulfilling. Louis had been occupied entertaining visiting heads of state in Monaco and was impossible to get hold of at any reasonable hour. She felt removed from the life she had lived with him over the summer. It had been pale and transparent; linen and champagne; white curtains before an azure sky; glass walls and muffled sounds. Strangely, the noise and dirty streets and stifling late summer heat of New York had pleased Blair more than she thought possible. It had been the most satisfying thing about returning.

She would find herself distracted. Finding herself with her phone in hand, planning on telling Dan every infinitesimal detail of her day. Just looking at his number. He hadn't contacted her at all. Clearly his life was doing fine with out her.

She was just putting her phone back in her bag when it sounded a message.

Dan.

The message he sent her was simple_. _

_Tess? 7pm. I'll be there, I've never seen it. Will you come? I want to talk to you after._

She already had a ticket. _I won't go. I'm staying home to study. _

She walked up the stairs to her bedroom and sat down on her bed, pulling textbooks out of her satchel. _Policy-Making in the European Union _sat on the top of the pile_._

Blair groaned and threw herself back onto her bed. Every time she picked up a book to study she felt the knot of anxiety growing in her stomach. Studying used to be just about her and her own ambition, but now it just made her future feel so oppressingly imminent. She was going to marry Louis and rule over a principality. She would charm heads of state and wave to crowds and make small talk. Maybe pop out an heir or two. She would make more social impact by wearing an unknown fashion designers clothing than by stating any political opinion. It would be like ruling through the pages of a magazine. But not in a way that she had any control over.

They might want her charm, but they didn't want her brains. She had wanted to engage with the court and Louis's advisors, to show them that she was more than a clotheshorse, but every time she tried, she felt they dismissed her as irrelevant. When she pushed the issue, they would just shut down on her. It didn't matter how much she learned about European politics, they would never let her make any kind of real contribution. She felt horror at the idea it might be like that forever. Stuck behind a pasted on smile, while her real opinions were mute. Folded up conveniently into a nice little envelope. It was the same as it had been with Chuck. Suppressing herself in order to be the required decorative sidekick.

Blair gasped and clenched her fists as she tried to control her sense of panic.

_I need to get out of here for a while! _

She checked her clock. Six pm. Before Blair quite realised what she was doing, she plucked her phone from her bag, opened the message from Dan and replied. _I have a ticket but don't bore me with talk._

Blair stood up from the bed and went over to survey her closet. She vacillated distractedly but finally selected a short yellow Balenciaga skirt to team with a loose floral blouse.

Her anxiety ebbed as she thought more about seeing Humphrey. She was back in the same dilemma. Polanski with Humphrey at MoMA; she knew she really shouldn't go. She shouldn't check herself in the mirror again, asking herself whether he would think she was as pretty as Serena. Shouldn't think of the things she wanted to tell him. She definitely shouldn't go and sit in a dark theatre with him and the thoughts she had circling through her head.

But it was the only thing she could do. She felt compelled to see him. Avoiding him wasn't working so it was time to try the opposite tack. Surely enough exposure to Humphrey would weaken the attraction she felt.

Blair grabbed her purse and went to meet up with Dan Humphrey, yet again.

xoxoxoxo

"Oh God, I'm drunk. With you. Again." Blair hooked her arm though Dan's as they staggered down the street.

"At least we didn't get kicked out this time."

"But that just meant we stayed until closing. I have class at 8.30!"

"C'mon Blair you can skip class this once, it's only the second week back."

"I can't miss it. I have a presentation next week and I have to see what the competition is like."

"Get a minion to record it, Waldorf, and sleep in. God knows you need it.

"Are you saying I look haggard, Humphrey?" Blair's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"No! I only meant you need some you time. Your life is crazy."

"Maybe, but at least it's not tedious. Like yours. Ok, I'll ditch class. Let's go somewhere else." Dan opened his mouth to speak but she put her hand up to stop him. "Not the loft. Anywhere else. I think there's a club around here somewhere."

"Uh, can we go somewhere we can talk? I really want to tell you something."

"Humphrey, we've been talking non stop ever since we left the cinema. I'm sick of the sound of your voice."

"But…"

"I don't want to hear any of your lame confessions, Humphrey. Let's find somewhere really loud so I can't hear you."

"Ok, but, Blair, I don't know quite where we are. You're leading, I'm just following."

"It's what you do best, Humphrey."

They turned down into another street. It was empty of people.

"I keep finding myself drunk in dark alleys with you, Humphrey."

"You're the one who made us go this way, this time."

"Hmm, it still doesn't make me feel quite safe."

Dan laughed. "I'm the only one here who could possibly attack you."

Blair stopped in the shadow of a building and grabbed his hand. He turned to her as she said, a little nervously. "That's just the thing." She looked around her to take in the terrain. "Come with me." She pulled his arm to make him follow her down an even darker lane. "This is more like it."

Before he could put voice to thought, she stepped close to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "I've wanted to do this all night." She lifted her fingers to his face and pulled it toward her own.

Dan couldn't help himself. He lowered his lips to hers. They opened beneath his, encouraging him to explore further. Her fingers moved down to his shirt, pulling him closer. Dan hesitated, startled at first by her eagerness, and then backed her against the wall of the alleyway, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Humphrey, what is about to happen, never happened. Right?"

He breathed in the spirits on her breath as she pushed her lips up towards him, devouring his mouth. "Uh, you mean what is happening right now?" He kissed down her neck.

"No, this isn't happening. We're dreaming." She laughed as she pushed her hands up under his shirt and ran her hands around to his back. His skin shivered at the contact and she felt goose bumps rise on his skin under her fingers.

Dan drew a breath "Louis..."

Blair withdrew a hand and clamped it over his mouth.

"The rest of my life I'm going to be trapped in a palace with people watching my every move. Let me have this one last adventure. Please, Humphrey?"

Dan looked down at her with a doubtful expression. "I'm not sure if this is the right way to express your uncertainties."

"You don't have to look at me like it's going hurt you. Even if you don't think of me in that way, I assure you, you'll have a good time." Blair's hands crept down to Dan's buttocks. "You'd be doing me a favour."

She kissed her way down his jaw as she pulled his body closer to hers. Dan wavered with uncertainty. He felt the damning rush of heat through his body and leaned in to capture her lips with his own. Running his hands down her back and pulling her in closer. In response, Blair wrapped her hands around Dan's neck and pushed up onto the tip of her toes. Dan ran his hands down her back and legs, exploring the silk of her dress. He gripped her buttocks and lifted her slender body up onto his hips, bracing her against the wall. Dan could feel her silk panties and the garter belt that he knew she habitually wore. They both felt him grow harder as they ground together with frenetic movement.

Blair gasped as she pulled away from his kiss. "Dan…I think you should just fuck me…here…now."

"In an alley way, in Brooklyn, with me. How your standards are dropping." Dan murmured as he kissed his way down her chest, running one hand up under her blouse.

"Not like you, who has the highest of standards." Blair sighed, leaning her head back further while Dan continued his ministrations.

"That's right, you'd better not tumble off that pedestal you're on." He lifted his head and kissed her again, pressing her into the wall. They continued, each kiss more searing than the one before, until Blair slipped her leg down to the ground, reaching down to fumble with Dan's belt.

"You're not kidding then. Uh, you're sure you want to do this here?" He reached down to stall her but she slapped his hands away.

"No, I'm not kidding, Humphrey. Just shut up and fuck me" Blair found his fly and eased it down. Her hand reached into the open zip, her fingers exploring inside. "Well, at least something's ready for me."

Dan's brain ceased to work. She eased out his hard cock as Dan pushed her dress up around her hips and pulled down her panties. His hands gripped her buttocks to press her further up the wall as he pushed his hard cock inside her hot tight wetness. Blair muttered wordlessly as he thrust between her thighs, gliding into her. A shoe dropped to the ground as she wrapped her legs around his hips, forcing him to penetrate further. He began to grind into her with long, sweet strokes, as her teeth held her bottom lip to stifle her moans.

Blair wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, painfully pulling his hair. "Dan." She pushed her mouth up towards him and thrust her tongue deeply between his lips. Dan moaned into her mouth. He grabbed her hips more firmly and drove into her faster, his breath coming heavily.

"Blair, you don't know what you're doing to me."

Blair buried her lips in his neck and panted into his ear. "Don't stop what you're doing to me." Her teeth bit into his shoulder as she throbbed around him. She muffled a cry into his skin as her body tensed, tugging at his hair and pulling his head towards her for another burning, open mouthed kiss.

Dan groaned and shuddered. "Oh God, Blair." He let out a strangled sound as he withdrew from her, ejaculating on her thigh as he continued to hold her against the wall. Her legs slid off his hips and she leant her head on his chest, regaining her balance and her breath as he clutched the wall behind her.

"Blair…"

"Thanks for obliging me, Humphrey. You sure know how scratch a girl's itch."

"Uh, sure." Dan replied weakly. "Any time"

Around them lay her purse, her shoe and her knickers. She stood on one foot trying to regain her composure. She tugged down her skirt and collected her scattered belongings, shoving her panties into her purse. Dan stared at her, unable to collect his thoughts.

"Blair…don't…that probably shouldn't have happened…but…"

"And now I have to go and have a shower. And I really need to go to this class tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I'm sorry! This took a while to come together as my muse went AWOL and work was dominating my life. I planned to have this finished before the new season started but clearly I failed! What was once speculative may now be spoilery, so read at your own risk. **

**Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, you guys are awesome!**

**And of course, as you know, I have no claim on these characters. I wish I did because, I tell you, all the Chair fans out there would be very unhappy!**

Blair awoke to the familiar feeling of Dorota patting her arm.

"Miss Blair, you must get up. You have school."

It took a moment to remember why she was being disturbed. And then another to recollect the previous evenings events.

"I'm sick. I can't get out of bed." Blair rolled over, burying her face into one of the multiple pillows surrounding her.

"Miss Blair, you wrote me note. Make sure you get out of bed and go to class. So I do."

"Nooo, Dorota, you don't understand.' Blair's wail was muffled in the soft down. "My head is killing me."

"Maybe you had one to many champagne, Miss Blair?"

Blair head rose as she pulled off her sleeping mask, revealing an outraged expression expressly for Dorota's benefit. "Blair Waldorf does not get hangovers! I probably have meningitis, my head hurts so much, and you accuse me of drunkenness. Just leave me please, Dorota. I need to sleep more. And bring me some paracetamol!"

She pulled her bedding over her head. A long silence later, Blair heard Dorota walk over and pick up her soiled clothes from the evening before_ (oh no) _and walk from the room, shutting the door behind her.

_Oh God. _What kind of lunacy had she committed? She had had no intention to seduce Humphrey, until the exact moment she had felt her brain snap and she dragged him into that alleyway. So very undignified. Coming home with Humphrey on her thigh. Blair groaned and writhed in her bed, the weight of her actions overwhelming her.

_How could I betray Louis again? I am a loathsome beast! _

Her mind traced the activities of the evening before in more detail.

_What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking at all… _

She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

She couldn't deny it; she had wanted him. She had been on edge and super aware of Dan, and his long, lithe body, all evening…and it should have been bad! But it hadn't been. It had been surprising good, as quick and as frantic as the encounter had been. Better than her imagination had let her believe over the time it had been since he had first slipped his uninvited way into her fantasies. His dark eyes and firm lips. Her sudden, savage orgasm. And he had wanted her, too. It hadn't been one sided. Who knew rambling Humphrey could be so direct?

He had been confused when she had walked away from him. But she couldn't seem to find a word to say. So she had just smoothed her skirt and headed back toward the street they had come from.

Dan had followed her. Imploring her to speak. _Blair, talk to me_. She had been unable to open her mouth, afraid that if she did, she would just fall onto his chest and cry out all the frustration and shame that was brewing inside her. And then let him take her home. Or take him home.

Blair rolled over in her bed, wallowing in regret. Dan must despise her, and she had cheated on Louis again. _Oh God, I've turned into Serena. _

_It didn't have to be Dan. It could have been anyone._ Blair shuddered at the thought. _It had just happened because I haven't had sex since before I had left Monaco. Louis will get here tomorrow and Humphrey can be disregarded. This is nothing. I've got through worse.  
><em>

_I have to tell him it was nothing. It was less than nothing. _

Grabbing the bell off her bedside table, she gave in a furious ring. "Dorota! I need tea, and my blackberry." Dorota came bustling back into the room, placing a glass of water and paracetamol beside Blair.

"You eat breakfast too?"

"No time. Give me my phone. I have to make an important call. Now leave me."

Blair felt her tension increase as she listened to the phone ring and, thankfully, heard his voice rumbling out directions to leave a message after the tone. She cleared her throat. "Humphrey… last night was a big mistake. There will never be a repeat of it and I think it would be best for both of us if we didn't see each other after this." Blair felt her voice grow less clinical. "And you must never, ever breathe a word of what happened. On threat of death. I mean it, Humphrey."

No sooner than Blair had hung up from leaving her message than the phone lit up signalling Humphrey's return call. She felt her every instinct demand that she answer it. She sat up and threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall with a satisfying crack and dropped to the floor in pieces.

"Dorota! I'll be in the shower!" Blair raised her voice to make sure she got her maid's attention. Dorota came back into the room with a tray holding a teapot and a cup. "Put that down, I don't want it anymore. Get me the periwinkle Chloe dress and the lemon yellow headband. I'm going to class."

Blair swung her legs over the side of the bed. "And order me a replacement phone. This one just broke. And I want a new number. It's time to deep cleanse my contact list." She pulled on her robe as she watched Dorota rummage through a drawer. "Not that head band! That's sunflower! It's to match the Marc Jacobs tote! Can't you do anything right today?"

Dorota rolled her eyes. "Yes, Miss Blair."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Sleep eluded Dan for the entire night. Intoxication had faded quickly and he tossed and turned in his bed through the early hours of the morning, playing out the evening's proceedings in his mind, over and over. He should have said no. No, to the bar hopping. No, to the tequila slammers. God, NO, to the hot alleyway sex. She had walked away from him the second it was over. One trite comment and then she hadn't said another word. He had followed her, trying to make her listen to him. Her silence spoke volumes. So full of shame over what they had done, she couldn't even look at him. This was going to be it. They were done.

After he had seen Blair into a cab, Dan walked the longest possible route back to the loft. They were drunk, she was engaged; he should have forced himself to stop. He knew he was fooling himself, even as he repeated this mantra in his head. He couldn't regret what had happened. He only regretted that it would certainly mean she would never talk to him again.

She was vulnerable and he had used her. Or he was vulnerable and he had let her use him. Let her do something with him that he knew she would regret. And the book! _Christ!_

Dan sat up in his bed, unable to even keep up pretence of sleep any longer. He rolled out of his bed and searched around until his hands fell on the well-thumbed advance copy of _Inside_ that kept tormenting him.

He flipped through it until he found the words he sought.

"_I'm engaged to Henri, David." She put out her hand and I could see the big Harry Winston winking at me. _

"_Then what are you doing here? To show me that thing?"_

_Sophie looked away. "I guess I wanted to tell you myself."_

"_My heart's already in pieces, Sophie, you can't break it again."_

"_David, I miss my friend. I miss you."_

"_You can't come and say that to me. You want your cake and you want to eat it too. Sophie, you said you didn't need me."_

_She put her hands on my chest and pushed me through the door. "I'm coming in." _

Dan's eyes skimmed further down the page.

_She kisses me. I shouldn't want this. But I do and I can't make myself stop. We press up against the wall. This is really happening. Sophie. _

Dan buried his head in his arms. It only became more salacious from there. Blair would consider him a complete cretin if he didn't tell her himself. She would think he was trying to ruin her if she found out from anywhere else. Insinuating she was having an affair behind Louis' back. She was probably going to think he was trying to ruin her no matter how she found out.

The resolution Dan had felt, to come clean about the book, now seemed absurd. He was going to have to stop the publication any way he could. He was aware of who the publishers were, but had delayed contacting them, waiting to hear from Vanessa. He had tried her old email and then to get in contact through every university in Barcelona, finally ending up having to send her a letter by post to the address on the back of the letter she had sent him. Nothing had come back.

He had got some legal advice though, from a friend of a friend in Law at NYU, not wanting to give a hint his problem to any of the lawyers involved with the extended Humphrey/Van Der Woodsen clan. He found what he suspected. That he would have to sue the pants off Vanessa and maybe the publishers and the agent to halt the publication at this point.

Dan flipped open his laptop and found the page with the publishers contact details. As he looked around for his cell phone, he heard it start to signal an incoming call, hearing it somewhere near the bed. He started to rummage around, looking for it. _It can't be her. It'll be my Dad, for sure. It could be her. _He ripped all the covers off his bed to find the phone wrapped up in the sheet. It stopped ringing just as his hand closed on it. Missed call, Waldorf, 07.32am.

Dan immediately called her back. He felt amazement at the possibility he would actually elicit a phone call from her under the circumstances of her behaviour toward him the previous evening. That Miss 'I'll take to my bed for a week after a kiss' Waldorf could want to talk to him.

_Get a grip Dan. You're deluding yourself. This will be the 'I Never Want to See You Again' call. _

Not surprisingly, Blair's phone rang out and went to her familiar message. Dan was brief. "Blair, I wish I hadn't missed your call. I'll try you later, or please, call me back. We need to talk."

A voicemail alert arrived as soon as he hung up the phone.

He listened to the message. Option B. The I never want to see you again.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Blair can feel herself being monstrous. Feeling a cold snap of satisfaction every time she confuses or outwits someone. Never giving up in her chase to be the most capable, the most righteous, to have the upper hand. The only time she seemed able to connect with herself is when she talks to Serena in LA. The calls were a lifeline. And then they had abruptly stopped. Serena wasn't taking her calls.

There's always a knot of apprehension in her stomach, a tight feeling in her chest. She's constantly telling Dorota that she thinks she's coming down with something.

She tells Louis nothing but distracts him with lingerie and baby talk.

She feels brittle, like the smallest lapse in concentration could make her shatter. She sends her minions on useless tasks, challenging herself to push them and herself to new heights of demeaning activity. She can feel the absurdity of it, but can't seem to make herself stop. Her self-loathing only seems to abate when she feels the sting of humiliation in others. The rest of the time she feels just like a machine.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dan grimaced as he looked at the result written on his latest paper. He'd have to somehow pull his head out of the clouds if he was going to go on to postgraduate studies. Concentrating in class had become impossible, given the lack of sleep Dan had been experiencing. He couldn't stop weighing up his options: call the lawyer's, or come forward as the author, or stick his head in the sand and pretend he knew nothing about it, or fly to Spain and confront Vanessa or, more appealingly, take the proceeds of the advance from the publishers and just disappear, somehow taking Blair with him. The finality of each of these decisions weighed on Dan to the point he found himself paralysed by the dilemma. Stalemate.

Blair's phone number appeared to have been disconnected immediately after the last message he had sent her. He had gone to her penthouse a few times, trying to see her, but the doorman always insisted she wasn't at home. "She is out with His Royal Highness, Mr Humphrey."

He felt himself bumbling around, always distracted. Avoiding decisions. He knew the right thing to do was to stop publication any way he could, with as little fuss as possible. Settle with Vanessa and the publishers quickly, with a threat of more legal action, if even a hint of the silenced book was heard of. But he felt ambivalent. The book was his trump card. His one way of getting Blair's total attention. An extended love letter, if you like, that she couldn't ignore.

There seemed to be only one choice. Take the decision out of his hands. It had never been his in the first place, anyway. Throw caution to the wind and send her the book.

Dan felt rational for the first time in days. It was about her after all. He had to give her a choice. Whatever she did, would make his mind up. Any action could be interpreted simply. If she were silent, he would come forward and let the godforsaken thing be published, and be damned with the consequences. But he was sure she would feel compelled to contact him in some way. And that was what he would have to hang his hopes on.

He checked the time. The closest post office closed at 5pm so he'd have to scramble to get there. He grabbed his copy of the book and raced out of the door before he could change his mind.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dan sat in his couch; counting down the hours until he knew Blair would receive the book he had sent her. He was shaken out of his distraction by a loud banging on the door. Surely it was too early for Blair to have got the book and read it. There was no one else he was anticipating at his door.

"OK, I'm coming!" He pulled the door open, revealing a stormy looking Serena.

She marched into the room, thrusting a script against his chest. "I found this, Dan. It was sent as an option to the scriptwriters I've been working with."

He stared at the wad of paper in his hands. There were annotations written all over it. Dan felt dumbfounded. His first thought was wonder at the idea that there were film options even being looked at on his yet unreleased novel. The second was dismay. Everything was happening too fast. Out of order.

"Say something, Dan. It's clearly yours. C'mon. The pool incident? Ms Carr? Even Lily and Rufus. The modern day Brady Bunch with the step-incest mixed in? How could you use what we had, and twist it like that?" Serena's voice rose as she fed her anger. "And the whole Eleanor modelling fiasco? That's when it started, isn't it? Your fascination with her!"

"Serena… I can explain…"

"And you're publishing it as Anonymous?" Serena was shouting now. "Out of all the creepy things guys I've dated have done, this has to top the list." She shook her head.

"Please, Serena, I know it look's bad, but I seriously never meant this to be published."

"Blair lied to me! You both did. How long have you been sleeping together?."

"We didn't…we hadn't. Our relationship in the book is probably the most misrepresented part of it." Serena furrowed her bro and took a deep breath to continue her attack.

Dan cut her off before she could continue. "Serena! I mean, that nothing physical had happened between us, when I wrote the book, aside from the kisses you already knew about. The feelings are all on my part, none of it's based on fact. In fact, I'm pretty certain that she actually hates me now. Or will soon."

"That makes it worse, Dan! It's some fantasy?" Serena walked closer to him. "You thought that being anonymous would protect you? You must think you're Gossip Girl herself!"

Dan put his hands up in surrender. "Believe me, Serena, I never wanted that book published. In fact, I only found out about it two weeks ago. Vanessa took it. Stole it on the night of the St Jude's reunion. She sent it to a publisher and I am currently trying to work out the best way to stop it. Do you seriously think I would wilfully destroy my relationships with my entire circle of family and friends?"

Serena sighed wearily and sat down on a stool. "I don't know what you're capable of, Dan."

Dan rummaged around on his kitchen bench. "Look, here, Vanessa's letter to me." He passed her the crumpled page

Serena glanced over it briefly and passed it back to him. "It doesn't really change anything, Dan. You still wrote it. Was it just a lie, Dan, our relationship? You put five years of our lives into this book and Blair is the centre of it? I won't ever be able to look at you or think about us in the same way ever again."

"I don't think you're alone in that."

"Well, who else knows?"

"Right now? Me, you and Vanessa. But, Blair will know pretty soon, I guess, uh, probably as soon as she gets home today."

"She has a copy?"

"I sent it to her."

"Dan." Serena stood up. "What is going on with you? You are crazy. What do you think you could achieve by doing that?"

"I don't know, Serena. But the thing is, I don't really care what anyone else thinks of this book, except her. Until I get some kind of signal, I'm holding off on throwing myself at Lily's mercy and getting her entire legal team behind me to stop publication."

"Dan, Blair's engaged to Louis!"

"I know that, Serena!"

"I think you should going straight to the lawyers."

"I need to see her. She isn't answering any of my calls or emails. Surely this will guarantee that she at least speaks to me?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Blair stepped out of the limousine to the increasingly more regular sight of paparazzi snapping her picture. "Ms Waldorf, how are plans going for the big day?"

She did not answer but pasted on a smile and followed Louis's handler toward the door to her building, as he cleared a path through the crowd. Make that _her_ handler, he was becoming as regular a sight as the paparazzi. She felt her irritation rise at the idea that anyone could think that she required a handler. Let them try. The irritation was becoming a constant companion. She should feel more acceptance. More excitement. Louis was here, and they were planning their future. She didn't feel lonely and think about…No.

_I have to come clean to Louis. About both Dan and Chuck. And then he can hate me too. _

As Blair stepped through the elevator doors to the penthouse, Dorota bustled around the corner.

"Blair, you are late. The manicurist is waiting. I have to go pick up dry-cleaning. Your mail is here, new Vogue you've been waiting for and express mail package."

Blair walked over to the table, intending to get the Vogue to read during her manicure. The parcel sat on top of it. As she picked it up she realised it was Dan's scrawl that detailed her name and address.

She tore open the mailbag to find a book and a short note.

_Blair,_

_I ask you to read this._

_And then I really need to talk to you. _

_Yours,_

_Dan_

Blair dropped the rest of her mail. "Dorota, I'm going to have a nap. Do not let anything or anyone disturb me until I come out of my bedroom."

"But manicurist?"

"Tell her I have a headache." Her voice rose as she marched up the stairs. "And warn the doorman not to tell anyone I'm here!"

Blair lay down on her bed and opened the book. Turning to the first page, she quickly lost herself in the familiar patterns of Dan's writing.

The voice of Dorota startled her. "Miss Blair, you very quiet. You have missed calls from Louis."

"Please, Dorota, I can't talk to him right now."

Dorota looked troubled but withdrew from Blair's room nonetheless. Blair placed the book down and rose to lock the door.

Later, Dorota called through the locked door. "Miss Blair, Serena is here!"

"Tell her anything, Dorota, I can't see her. Tell her I'm contagious."

Blair turned to the last page to find Dan's hand written postscript.

_Blair, I can't compete with a prince. The only thing I don't regret about this book is that it has to be clear to you that you are not second to Serena in my eyes and will never be. _


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Thanks to my fabulous reviewers. And thanks for sticking with this now very AU story. **

Blair awoke to knocking at her bedroom door.

"Blair?" Louis' worried tones reached her clearly. "Dorota insists you're in there. Are you sick? I want to see you, let me in. I'm concerned for you. You didn't answer my calls last night."

Blair rolled over, realising she was still lying on her coverlet. She had fallen asleep in the midst of reading the Dan's book for the second time. She still held it tightly in her hands.

She collected her thoughts. "Louis? I'm sorry! I've been unwell. I only just woke up."

"My darling, I'm sorry to wake you. Are you ok?"

She tried to put a smile in her voice. "I'm fine…now."

She pulled herself off the bed and looked at herself in the mirror. Her makeup from the day before was smeared and her slept-in clothes were crumpled. Mascara trailed down her cheeks, even though she didn't remember the tears. _How could he put that in a book? The _manipulative_ creep! _

"Blair?"

She forced herself to answer him breezily. "Louis, let me have a shower and I'll meet you downstairs in a minute."

"Come on, Blair. Let me in!"

"No! I need to make myself beautiful."

"Blair, how many times have I seen you first thing in the morning. You are always beautiful."

Blair looked again at herself in the mirror. _Dan wants to ruin me._ "No, I'm not."

"What did you say, darling? I can't hear you. Why are we talking through this door?"

"It's not important, Louis. Please. Meet me downstairs."

Blair heard Louis' reluctant footsteps fade away.

Half an hour later, Blair surveyed herself in the mirror. She applied another coat of lip-gloss, hoping it would detract from the shadows under her eyes.

_Ok. Talk to Louis. Call Serena. Call the lawyers. _Blair's thought process stalled. _Then what? _

She flinched and dropped her lip-gloss at the sound of renewed knocking at her door. "Blair? I have to go now. I only dropped through on my way to the consulate because I was worried about you. Meet me for lunch?"

She opened the door before he could knock again. "Lunch? That would be ideal, Louis. I need to talk to you. Can we make it private?"

"Of course, darling. I would love to be private with you."

"No, seriously, Louis. We have to talk."

He looked perplexed. "Ok. Come to the consulate. We have a private dining room there."

She gave him a weak smile as she accompanied him down the stairs. "Thank you, Louis. You're too good to me."

"No, it is you who is too good for me." Blair closed her eyes and averted her face as he leaned into kiss her. As he pulled back, she saw bewilderment clearly cross his features.

"Blair, I can cancel my meeting. What is wrong? Can we talk now?"

"No!"_ I need time to work out what I'm going to say to you! _"No, Louis, it can wait. I'll be at the embassy by one o'clock."

She lifted her face for a kiss, feeling like Judas.

The elevator doors closed behind him. Blair sighed and headed toward the kitchen. _What am I going to say to him? I can't tell him the truth. And now to call Serena! Oh, God._

Blair was just removing the kettle from the hob when Serena stalked in, still clad in her dressing gown.

"S! I was just about to call you." Blair smiled at her friend and moved across to hug her. "I didn't realise you were here!"

Serena received the hug stiffly. "I waited for you last night. I don't believe you were sick. Blair, did you sleep with him?"

"Who?"

"Well, not Louis, obviously. How many men are you sleeping with? I mean Dan!"

Blair took a breath and let it out slowly. She focused her attention on the water she was pouring into the teapot. "He told you. I won't lie to you, Serena. I did. It was a mistake, and I regret it, but it happened."

"Did it happen the way it happened in the book?"

Blair turned to face Serena. "What? No! He told you that too?"

"No. But I have my ways. I can't believe Dan lied to me. He nearly had me convinced."

"What do you mean?"

"He said you and he never slept together!"

"Well, technically we slept together a number of times, but we only ever had sex once."

"And he put it in a book!"

"No, he didn't, S. He put me sleeping with Chuck and nearly leaving Louis for him in a book."

Serena looked stunned. "You slept with Chuck too?"

"Yes! I'm a horrible cheater. Judge away."

Serena rolled her eyes. "This is crazy, B. This isn't you. What are you going to do? It's pretty fucked up!"

"I know! I have to break up with Louis, before I ruin him and then… then I'm leaving New York immediately. I don't know where." Blair looked distressed. "It can't be Paris because the paparazzi..."

"And Dan?"

"I'm calling my lawyers to stop this book."

"I think Dan is already planning that, but he's stalling so he can speak to you."

"He can wait forever for all I care. He used me, and you, and everyone else he knows, as literary fodder. He's put every single thing I've done for the past 5 years in a book. Things even Gossip Girl never found out."

"But, Blair, you don't look bad. Your _Sophie_ is far more likable than my _Angela_. He's made me look like an idiot."

"But _Angela_ isn't you, Serena." Blair put her hand up as Serena began to contradict her. "Yes, she looks like you, but anyone who reads it, and knows you, knows you truly aren't that superficial! He's put me in a book, Serena. All of me. And I hate it. I hate my story. And I hate him!"

"But you can rise above it, Blair. You can still marry Louis and leave all of this Gossip Girl rubbish behind you. Do you really think anyone can touch you, once you're the princess of Monaco? Look what Princess Stephanie gets up to!"

"She's a princess by birth, Serena. It doesn't matter how many circus performers she marries. My situation is a little different and if anyone reads that book and puts two and two together… I'll be a pariah! I'm tarnished, Serena, I'm repulsive. And I can't be with Louis anymore."

"It's a book, Blair."

"Are you slow, Serena? You've read the thing!"

"I've only read a sample. I didn't have the whole book, only a few chapters."

"Well believe me! Dan put my entire adult life into it. There are things I can't live down. Time will not heal all wounds!"

'And what about Dan?"

"What about Dan? He can go and find someone else to write ruinous novels about!"

"Blair, listen to me. I think he's in love with you. Were you just using him?"

"Serena. He's not in love with me. And he's the one who's been using us all! Whatever he said to you; he's just trying to cover his tracks. And now I need to call my lawyers to get this book stopped!"

Blair stormed from the kitchen, leaving Serena feeling more conflicted than she thought possible.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Dan awoke to the familiar sight of his coffee table. He felt unwashed and gritty. He had fallen asleep holding his phone and it was still gripped tightly in his sweaty palm.

Four messages.

Rufus.

Nate.

Two from Serena.

Nothing from Blair.

Dan deleted the messages without opening them.

He sighed heavily, collapsing back into the Dan shaped dent in his sofa. _She can have until the end of the day and then I'm calling the publishers. _Hope that she would contact him was fading with every passing moment.

Misery descended upon him. He wondered how the hell he was going to concentrate on the paper he had due the following day. At least he could stay holed up in the loft. He had no classes that day. Blair would know where to find him. If she was looking for him at all.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Blair found herself at the reception for the Consulate General of Monaco, on 5th Avenue, at 12:55. Panic kept threatening to surface but she managed to smile gracefully at the receptionist. "I'm meeting Louis Grimaldi for lunch?"

The receptionist smiled back at her." Of course, Ms Waldorf. Security will escort you."

The black clad guards walked either side of her. She wished she could be anywhere else but where she was at that exact moment. She had intended to call her lawyers before meeting Louis, but decided to leave it until after. She could kill two birds with one stone then and tell them to cancel the prenuptial arrangements they were in the midst of planning and focus their energies on suing the publishing house…and Dan…to prevent publication.

Louis was waiting for her, holding a large bunch of peonies. He looked tired and a little stressed. Blair felt her heart sink a little more, thinking about what she was about to do to him. He had been so good to her. And she had treated him like dirt. _Do I have to tell him everything? _Blair felt her courage quail further.

He stood up and walked over to kiss her hello but she put her hand up to stop him. He saw she had removed her engagement ring.

He seized her hand between his own. "Blair? Does this mean?"

She let out a pent up breath. "Yes. Louis, I'm sorry. I can't go through with this any more."

"But…why? I thought we had been so happy?"

"Louis, you will make some girl very happy one day. But I'm not that girl." She lowered her head as a tear began to make its way down her cheek. "I can't marry you."

He continued to hold her hand. "I suspected this would happen, c_herie_. I think, perhaps, it is why I wanted to marry you so quickly. So that you wouldn't have time to change your mind."

She forced herself to raise her head and meet Louis' eyes. "I don't think it ever would have worked out in the long run between us, Louis. I think… I think I would have destroyed you. I am truly not good enough for you."

"Blair, it is not so. You are an angel, worthy of anyone."

"You are sweet to me, Louis, but it's not true. I have to tell you something." Blair felt her head spin with the weight of what she was about to tell him. "This will probably make you hate me, but I have to be honest with you..."

Louis cocked his head to the side and waited silently while Blair faltered in her speech. "…I cheated on you, Louis. Not once, but twice. I thought I could pretend it never happened but…I…and I did for a while. But it's turning me into a beast!"

"Oh…"

"You see Louis. I'm bad for you. I don't know what I'm capable of doing and I don't know who I am! I hate the person I'm becoming and I…" She reached into the pocket of her purse and retrieved the priceless heirloom engagement ring he had given her those months ago.

"Now you're free. Find some other girl who deserves this, Louis." She held the ring in the palm of her hand, thrusting it toward Louis.

He kept his hands behind his back. "Blair, this is my fault. I should never have left you alone. If you regret this…maybe…we could try to work through this."

Blair shook her head. "Louis, thank you. But don't tell me you could ever trust me again…when I can't trust myself." She placed the ring on the dining table and clutched her handbag closer.

He looked pained but forced himself to speak. "Who…who was it? Chuck?"

"Yes…and then Dan…"

"And Dan…I see." He looked stunned.

"I told you Louis. I'm bad for you." Tears began to stream down her face. "Just think what a lucky escape you made." With her parting words still on her lips, Blair turned and fled.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Dan sat up at the sound of the door but before he had time to stand and open it, Blair burst through. She marched to the sofa, looming over him.

"I was going to leave the city and never talk to you again. But, you win. Humphrey."

"Blair!… I'm glad you came."

She held the copy of _Inside _he had sent her aloft. Brandishing it in his face. "Are you trying to destroy me, Humphrey? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

Dan stood up in a hurry. "No! No…I knew you'd think that…that's why I sent it to you, before it came out."

"How could you put _that_ into a book?"

"Blair, it's physically impossible for me to have put _that_ into a book. It happened a week ago."

"I don't mean that. I mean Chuck!"

Dan looked mystified. "I don't know what you're talking about?"

"That I would have left Louis…or Henri as you call him…to be with Chuck but he said _no_, that I should live my fairytale. How did you find out? I bet that Basstard told you. No one else knew!"

"Blair, I don't understand."

"When I slept with Chuck!"

"You slept with Chuck?" Dan's face sagged and he sat back heavily on the sofa.

"You knew that! You put it in your book! You're as bad as him."

"Blair… I swear…I didn't. This is pure mischance."

"I don't believe you, Humphrey! It cannot be a coincidence."

Dan stood up again. "It is, Blair! Clearly the muses are having a laugh at our expense. I never wrote this book to hurt you!"

"Well, it has. You'll be hearing from my lawyers."

"I can get it cancelled. I just wanted to talk to you before I did…"

"You'll still be hearing from my lawyers. I'm not a literary device, Humphrey! You put my life in those pages!"

"People don't know the real you. They don't know what is real."

"But it's still my story. It's about me! You say I'm not second to Serena? Yeah, I can see that. You've never tried to ruin her life!" Blair rushed at him, hands open read to slap. He cringed away from her glancing blows. "You make me so furious! Do you think I wanted to be sensationalised in some appalling serial?"

Dan felt anger begin to flare inside him. " Blair, you're not listening to me. Will you give me a fucking chance?"

"No! You've had all the chances you're getting Humphrey. I never want to see you again!"

"Blair, stop this! You're allowing this to happen to you. What I prophesied in the book, when Sophie married Henri. Becoming an exaggerated version of an Upper East Side bitch. Do you really want to be your mother, Blair?"

Blair gave a howl of rage. "I'm not…and never will be my mother." She seized hold of Dan's hair and gave it a furious tug. He gasped in pain and grasped her wrist, trying to pull her hand free. They both tumbled to the floor in chaotic motion; Dan banging his head on the hard tiles. He lay dazed as Blair wrestled with him. He still held her wrist and tried, unsuccessfully, to prevent Blair from ripping out handfuls of his hair.

It was over quickly. Blair gasped and stopped moving, her laboured breathing turning to sobs. Dan could feel her body shaking against his. He instantly released her hand and wrapped his arms around her, holding her head against his chest.

"Shhhh, Blair, it's ok. You don't need to cry."

"I've left Louis. Your book has ruined my life. You've ruined my life!"

Her tears soaked through his shirt.

"Blair…it's ok. Everything is gonna be ok! Just trust me."

She tore herself from him, pushing his hands violently away. "No. It won't be ok, Humphrey. It's going to be a nightmare."

She stood up from the floor and stepped over his prone body on her way to the door. She slammed it behind her as Dan picked himself up, rubbing his head. He immediately pulled the door open and pursued her down the stairs.

He found her on the street, getting into her town car. He stood barefoot on the sidewalk, pleading with her. "Blair! You're not giving me a chance to explain!"

"You're not getting anything from me. Ever again. Stay away from me, Humphrey."

The black car pulled into the traffic and it was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N's I wanted to update fast because I didn't want to leave anyone in the midst of Blair's meltdown for too long. Work still got in the way. Sorry about that.**

**I really don't own these characters. They do and say all sorts of things I never intended them to. And they are making this story far longer than it was ever meant to be. Thanks for sticking with them. And thanks, as always, to my wonderful reviewers! **

Dan had run back up the stairs and was frantically searching the loft for shoes. He hadn't left the loft in a few days and a boot had gone completely missing in the debris that had accumulated. He had to go after Blair. But being shoeless wouldn't really help his cause.

He was on the floor, reaching under the sofa, when a familiar voice startled him.

"Hello? Dan?"

He stood up warily. "Serena. I don't have the time right now. I've got to go and try to talk to Blair. She thinks the very worst of me. You should go."

She placed her handbag on the kitchen bench and perched on a stool, blatantly disregarding his words. "You can try, but I'm not sure I'd bother if I were you. You've got no chance of even getting past her doorman…or Dorota. Blair even made Dorota give the doorman a photo of you, to make sure he didn't let you in. He said he already knew very well who you were."

Dan dropped his shoe to the floor. "She has to come out sometime, doesn't she?"

"Not really. We both know how stubborn Blair can be." She hesitated, looking questioningly across the room at him. "I didn't just come here to tell you that. Dan, I want to read the rest of the novel. You have to admit you owe it to me. I attempted to steal Blair's copy, but she's carrying it with her everywhere."

Dan crossed his arms across his chest. "Uh…that was my only copy."

"I don't believe that. You must have it on file somewhere, if I know you at all."

Dan grunted noncommittally.

"Look, Dan, I promise not to judge."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."

"Or be angry. I think I know the worst of it already. It's just that Blair has gone entirely off the deep end and I can't get through to her. Maybe this will help."

"It's a bad idea, Serena. I've already called Lily's lawyers and they're assembling the case against Vanessa. I really think it would be for the best if no one else ever read this. As soon as it's all over, I'm going to delete the fucking thing."

"You do what you need to do, but if you let me read it, I promise I'll try to help you speak to Blair. You've got no other option at the moment. She's in complete lock down."

Dan wavered.

"Come on, Dan. You know the parts I've read, just let me read the other chapters!"

"Ok…Ok, Serena. I swear you could make me do anything." He walked across the room to claim his laptop, roughly setting it down on the bench.

Serena smiled. "Manipulating you is like child's play, Dan."

"Don't push it. I have no idea why I'm doing this."

"You know exactly why you're doing this. To see Blair."

Dan found the file and opened it, pushing the laptop across to Serena.

"There. You can find the stuff you haven't read. Just promise not physically attack me."

Serena raised her eyebrows. "Blair attacked you?"

"Violently. I'm surprised I still have a hair on my head." He ran his fingers through it, disordering his curls further, as if assuring himself they were still there. "What is she doing? She told me nothing, except she'd ended it with Louis."

"I have no idea. When I last saw her, she said she was packing for Switzerland. But I haven't seen her come out of her room since. She won't talk to me."

"Has she seen anyone? What about Chuck?"

"I don't know, Dan, but I doubt it." She gave him a pointed look. "Now let me read this. It's going to take a while and the longer it takes, the longer you're going to have to wait."

Serena settled into the novel and Dan, finding himself at a loss, lay on the sofa again.

It took a few hours for her to pick through the chapters and she found herself rereading parts she had previously read, engrossed in the narrative. She sat silently for a spell after she finished the final chapter, looking over at Dan who was lying on the sofa with his eyes shut. His restlessness told her he wasn't asleep.

"Dan? I'm done. Thankyou…I think."

He opened his eyes immediately and looked at her searchingly.

Serena returned his gaze guardedly. "I need to ask you why you wrote this. I believe you when you say that it's being published against your will but…_why_…where did this come from?"

Dan moved on the sofa so Serena couldn't see his face. "I wrote it in the fall. After I kissed her. I mean, I had written parts of it before. But after we kissed, I looked back through my old journals and found I'd written more about her than I remembered. I had written about every encounter I had with her since I met her. I wrote character studies of everyone I met, but hers was the one that I changed constantly."

He sat up, placing his head into his palms. "It just turned into a novel. But I didn't write it to expose her and I didn't just carelessly use you all for some literary exercise. I wrote it because I knew I couldn't have her. I wrote for me, for some kind of closure."

An array of emotions flitted across Serena's face before she could bring herself to speak. "I'm not sure if I'm the right person to be hearing this, Dan. But I did ask you and I guess I have to respect your honesty. I get it, though. You fell in love with her but you didn't fight for her. Did you ever tell her how you felt?"

"Not in so few words. I gave her the book, didn't I? I thought it would be pretty clear."

"To anyone else, Dan, yes. But there's something that really bothers her about it. I've never seen her hate anyone as much as she hates you at the moment. Not even Chuck…or me."

Dan winced.

"Don't take that too much to heart, Dan." Serena shot him a cautious half smile. "Blair hating someone is usually tantamount to her loving them. If she wasn't feeling something, she'd just despise you."

Dan smiled ruefully back at her, in spite of himself. "I hope you're trying to make me feel better. I'm pretty sure, though, she just out and out hates me."

Serena shook her head but said nothing.

Dan moved over to where she was sitting. "Serena, I've got to say I'm surprised. I never expected you to take it this so well. My feelings for Blair, I mean. And the book, I could have been more flattering to you."

"Dan, look, I am the first to admit that I felt pretty bitter when I first read this." She tapped the laptop. "But, I'm just a bit part in it. It's bigger than me and if I get in the way, I think I'm liable to be crushed! But," She picked up his hand and held it between her own, "I'll say this one thing, Dan. I haven't even seen the two of you together in a room since May. But for you to both behaving this irrationally…you've either got to sort it out between yourselves…or deal with the fact that your friendship…or what ever it was…is over. You can't just sit here and stew over it forever."

Dan blinked. "Thanks for your sage advice, Serena. But she thinks I betrayed her. How can I explain my part if she won't even let me talk to her?"

She placed his hand back on the bench and rose from the stool. "I'm going to the penthouse to see her. I would tell you to come, but I think it might be better if I try to talk to her first."

"I'd really like to come. I am going to go crazy if I sit here any longer."

"Stay, Dan. I promise I'll return soon as possible."

Serena returned sooner than Dan expected. She stood at his open door, watching his half-hearted attempts at tidying the loft. He had clearly showered, changed his clothes and found his shoes, as his appearance was far less rumpled than it had been previously.

"I sorry, Dan, I tried. She wouldn't listen to me. In fact, she wouldn't even let me in her room."

Dan put his hands up in frustration. "This is going to send me insane!"

"I have an idea. Well, I had an idea and I just did it…I knew you'd try to talk me out of it if I didn't do it before I got back." Serena hesitated, clearly unsure of how Dan would react.

"Serena! What did you do?"

She gave him a slightly apprehensive smile. "I called Chuck. I asked him to talk to Blair."

Dan raised his eyebrow at her. "You called Chuck? Great! Now all I need is for Blair to throw herself into his arms."

"And well she might, Dan. It's just an option you're going to have to live with."

"Believe me, Serena, I'm living with it. But to just invite him in and ask him to get involved?"

"Whatever, Dan. Chuck still loves Blair. Always will, even if they're not together. I know he would always try to help her, even if it inadvertently helps you, if she were in trouble. Which she is."

She continued to look expectantly at him. He sighed, resignedly. "What? Is there more?"

"Chuck said he'd help, but he wants to read the book first."

"What, Serena? No! Come on."

"Dan, it's only fair. I explained to him that Blair thinks that you wrote something fairly explicit about them, based on fact. He wants to read it. I don't think I explained it very well. In fact, I still find it confusing. I don't see how Blair can think something her fictional character did with your fictional character is actually based on something she did with Chuck."

Dan stood up. "Well, I guess you should give it to him. While you're at it, why not just print out a few more copies and give them to anyone else you see. In fact, just post it online. Send it straight to Gossip Girl. I just don't care anymore. You know where the printer is. Help yourself!" He walked out of the loft, slamming the door behind him.

xoxoxoxoxox

Blair didn't even raise her head off the bed when Dorota trundled in to her darkened bedroom.

"Miss Blair, you have visitor."

"Dorota, I told you. I'm not seeing anyone.

"It's Mr Chuck, Blair." She pulled heavy curtains open, flooding the room with light.

"Do you really think I'd want to see him, Dorota? Are you out of your mind?"

"I would like it if you saw something, Blair. More than your bed. You lie here for two days!"

Blair groaned into her pillow. "Well, bad luck, I'm not moving."

Chuck's voice sounded at her door as Dorota left the room.

"Blair, you clearly don't want to see me. But Serena asked for my help and you know I'd do anything for her." His words belied the mocking tones of his voice.

"Chuck. Just go away. I don't know what Serena told you, but I blame you as much as anyone for my ruination. In fact, I think you're the architect of it."

"I'm sure you do. But I want to tell you something."

"There is nothing you have to say that I would want to hear."

"Look, Blair, enough. I've read the book. Ok? There are some things I need to say."

Blair turned over and sat up. Chuck leaned laconically at her doorway. She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. "This is getting ridiculous. Soon everybody in New York will have read it. I have to get out of this city."

"I've looked into it, Blair. What Humphrey said is true. It's being published against his will. Vanessa indeed stole the manuscript and sent it to a publisher. It's so sensational that they couldn't help themselves but publish it. I think you'll be happy with the reparation you'll get, whether the book's published or not."

"It certainly won't be published, Chuck."

"Oh, but that would be such a shame."

"Why? We look like horrible people. You more than anyone."

"Oh, I don't know, he paints us all as the lovable scoundrels we are. If anyone associates me with Charlie Trout…I'm so pleased he used his old name for me…it can only enhance my mystique." He smiled lazily at her. "Why would I dislike it, Blair?"

She flopped back on the bed. "I should have known. Of course, it's all about you."

"You have to admit it, despite the sloppy brush strokes, he nailed my charm."

"How can you say that? He wrote about that night…when…" Blair faltered. "When you gave me up. How did he know that?"

"He didn't know it." Chuck raised his eyebrows. "I agree, Blair, it's uncanny. Brooklyn must have a fey grandmother tucked away somewhere. But I didn't tell him about that night. I haven't told anyone. The story isn't truly the same. One character is wrong for a start. The only real similarity is his character telling you to stay with the prince, or whoever he is in Humphrey's novel."

He walked closer toward the bed. Blair sat up and pulled the blanket further over her legs. "I didn't give you up either, Blair, I just gave you back to yourself. And I regret it."

Blair blinked. She searched Chuck's face, for a hint that he was dissembling. But there was none. She shook her head determinedly. "I refuse to believe that it's just coincidence, Chuck."

"It is, Blair. Believe me, I have no problem with you thinking badly of Humphrey. I prefer it, in fact. But I didn't want you to think badly of me." His face became intent. "That I would betray you. Again."

"Your betrayal wouldn't surprise me in the slightest."

"I know, Blair, I have a bad track record. But this could be our chance. I know you've ditched the Prince; we could start over. I missed you, reading Humphrey's book reminded me how much. I must admit he surprised me, he really does get you."

"Chuck. Of all moments, you pick right now to come and say this to me?"

"You say you're ruined? Come on, Blair. This is meant to be. The timing is perfect. Come with me, we could go anywhere. Forget Humphrey and his book. I can take you away from all this."

"If you had asked me before, I might have just considered it, Chuck. But not now."

He pressed her further. "It's fate, Blair, pushing us together. You and I both know it."

Blair sighed resignedly. "It may be fate, Chuck, but your reasoning is off. When I read Dan's book I realised something. I thought I had been weak for not leaving Louis to be with you, when I believed that was what I really wanted. But, Chuck, if I had really wanted to be with you, nothing you said could have changed my mind that night. I've realised it was my choice and did I make it." She gave a bitter laugh. "And I didn't have to get engaged to Louis to prove to myself I didn't need you. I could have just chosen myself. I've hurt an innocent man, who deserved better, to learn it. But I have learnt it. I didn't need your blessing."

Chuck lowered his brow. "It doesn't have to be like this, Blair. I know I've changed. I'll show you. I won't hurt you again."

"It's too late, Chuck. I had been so in the habit of loving you, I didn't even realise when those feelings didn't exist anymore. I was constructing something I didn't need, or even want. It's really over. We missed our chance."

"I can't believe you, Blair."

"Believe what you want, Chuck. It actually doesn't matter to me either way."

"And Humphrey? His book seems to have bestowed an array of revelations on you. Are you sure he's not one of them too?" Chuck sneered.

"That's none of your business. But…I think it's too late for that. I'm sure I've managed to exterminate any feeling he had for me."

"Mmm, Dumphrey doesn't take a hint very well. Unfortunately, I think you're mistaken."

"I'm not talking to you about this! It's time for you to go, Chuck. Shut my door on the way out."

He moved forward until his legs pushed up against the side of her bed. "Blair, I know you'll regret this."

"I've said all I need to say, Chuck. I really don't give a damn." She lay back on her bed and smiled for the first time in days. "God! That felt good to say."

Blair pulled the coverlet over her head. Chuck continued to try and remonstrate with her, but she remained unmoved. She lay silently, listening for the sound of the door closing behind him. Which it did, eventually.

Only silence remained. Blair pulled the coverlet from her face. Seeing Chuck had bought everything into clarity. It was really over. She felt like a weight had been lifted. No Louis. No Chuck. She could start again. _I can do anything. Go anywhere. Except the one place I…_

Blair reached across to her bedside table and opened the drawer, retrieving her copy of Dan's book. It fell open on her lap, the pages looking battered from her repeated reference to it. She turned to the beginning once more, reading the story as if it were the first time.


	7. Chapter 7

Blair wandered downstairs in a daze. Serena was sitting at the breakfast table, flicking through a magazine. She jumped to her feet when she saw Blair coming into the room.

"Blair! You've finally left your room."

Blair said nothing, only making her way around the table to her friends waiting arms. She buried her head into Serena's welcome shoulder, releasing her pent up tears.

Serena wrapped her arms around Blair's tense body, waiting for her to speak.

"Serena, I've been such a fool!"

"You're not a fool, B, maybe just a little misguided."

"I've ruined everything. Why did I have to wage a path of destruction, before I finally realised I was lying to myself?"

"Well, you're not one to do things in halves, B. Come on, sit down and talk to me. I'm sure we can work through some of this."

Serena walked through to the lounge, taking a seat on the sofa and patted the cushion next to her. Blair followed, taking a seat where directed and leaning her head against Serena's shoulder.

She wiped her eyes. "S, I was so angry at Dan, when I thought that he had put Chuck and I in the book. I thought he was trying to expose me. But I didn't think it through. I didn't want to try and work out why I was so angry. I just reacted and…when Chuck convinced me it truly was a coincidence…" She stopped short. "You haven't read the whole thing, it's too hard to explain."

"Try me, B. I actually forced Dan into letting me read the rest of it."

"Well, It's exactly what happened between Chuck and I, when we had sex for the last time. It was crazy; I was convinced that it signified he and I were meant to be together. I wanted to leave Louis, but Chuck wouldn't let me. I never told you. I never told anyone about it." She moved restlessly. "I felt so awful that I could treat Louis like that, but I just swallowed it, afraid that I'd be left with nothing. No Louis, no Chuck…no…one. I was in denial."

Serena tried to catch her eyes, but Blair dropped her head further. "I read the book again and I realised I wasn't angry at Dan, only at how he characterised me. I was so angry with _Sophie _for being weak. Not following her heart. Doing what I did when I didn't leave Louis for Chuck." Blair paused, wiping her eyes again. Serena stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. "Why would Dan write that if he didn't know what happened with Chuck?"

"B, I think you're just going to have to ask him that."

"I can't do that. He must loathe me now!"

"I think he'll forgive you, B, but you have to let him. You've pushed him pretty far."

"But what if he doesn't want to talk to me, S? I don't even know what I think about him. How can he even like me, or respect me, after the way I behaved? I don't even respect myself!"

"Blair, I can't tell you what Dan has said to me about you. He needs to tell you himself. Look, your town car is downstairs. I'll come with you to his door but I'm not going inside."

"I want to see him. I don't even know if he'll be home."

Serena smiled. "Oh, I'm sure he is. He's been just as foolish as you. Sorry, not foolish…misguided."

Blair nodded her head silently. She moved back into Serena's arms. "Thank you, S, you're my best friend. I know Dan's novel hasn't been easy for you either."

"It has been hard, B, but, you know what? I can handle it."

Blair's face crumpled again.

"B! Enough tears. Go upstairs, pull yourself together and you can go talk to him."

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Dan jumped at the sound at his door. He'd been attempting to write a paper he'd managed to get an extension for, but had been staring at the introduction for hours. It was hard to concentrate on the critical aspects of Shelley's love poems in the mental state he was in. He read _Love's Philosophy _again and again, until he knew every phrase and nuance by heart. He wished he'd picked Dante's _Inferno_ for his paper instead.

He closed his laptop and made his way slowly to the door. He had locked it for once, sick of people bursting in unannounced. He opened it to find Blair walking down the steps away from him.

"Blair?"

"You are here. The door was locked." She gave him a tenuous smile. "I didn't think you ever locked the door, even if you weren't here." She bit her lip. "I thought it was a wise move; hopefully someone would come and steal everything."

He returned her smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, well…I'm kind of attached to a few things in here. You're welcome to come and loot though, if that's what you're here for."

Blair let her breath out in a rush of relief, but she didn't take the bait. She walked back up the stairs toward him.

"Can I come in? I thought we could talk."

He gestured for her to enter. She moved past him and stood, looking a little lost, in his kitchen.

He walked over and lowered his head, his fingers fidgeting aimlessly with the cup sitting on the kitchen bench. "I thought you'd be with Chuck. Did he speak to you?"

"Yes, and I spoke to him. Seeing him made me realise a whole lot of things."

"Where is he?"

Blair grimaced. "I don't know…Dan, why would you care? Call him if you want to see him so much…just don't ask him here."

"I thought after you spoke to him…"

"It's over between he and I, Dan, really over. I can barely look at him now. Every time I even think about him, I feel angry with myself for all the things I allowed him to do to me. I've been so blind..."

Dan looked up at her, his fingers falling still. He opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off.

"Dan…the book. Serena and Chuck have told me some things but I need to hear them from you…if they're true."

"I'm sorry, Blair. I should never have written about you like that. Yes, a series of unfortunate events have led to it's almost publication. But I only wrote it for me. To give me some kind of choice, even if it were meaningless, in a situation I was completely helpless in."

Blair walked closer to Dan, placing her hand on his arm. He could scarcely breathe.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"It was what I wanted to tell you on the night we…It was the first time I'd seen you since I found out about it."

Blair looked to the floor. "I guess I didn't really give you a chance to explain."

Dan shook his head. "I could have tried harder... I was worried you'd never want to see me again…and Blair, our friendship meant too much to me to risk."

She tightened her grip on his arm. "Dan, you have been my friend, and you never asked for anything. You have never berated me…without reason; you have defended me. The worse thing you've ever really done to me is exposing my appalling karaoke. I thought that I could keep you separate. But when you were out of my life…it was…" She reached to her face to wipe away a tear. "I realised that the part of my life I was sharing with you was the only element I was actually enjoying…and I used you, worse than you used me."

He furrowed his brow, restraining himself from reaching across to her cheek. "I let you do it, Blair. I've been a very willing participant all the way. I've been a fool. I didn't mean to ruin your life."

"It's ok, Humphrey, I ruined it myself, I didn't really need your help to do it. Your book was a catalyst but I sowed the seeds."

"So you don't blame me for your absolute social destruction?"

"No…despite your best efforts."

"And you don't hate me?"

She shook her head.

"So that must mean we're friends again?" Dan looked vaguely wistful.

"I guess…" Blair felt a knot of dissatisfaction settle in her stomach. She looked up at him and withdrew her hand. "Who else do I have? Without you and Serena, I'd be completely alone."

Dan took her hand and led her over to the sofa. They sat down but he retained her fingers, entwining them with his.

She looked down at their hands as he cleared his voice to speak.

"Blair, if you're not going to be the future queen of Monaco and the book isn't going to print, then you're not ruined. The publishers backed off when Lily's lawyers approached them on my behalf. The lawyers are just waiting for me to decide whether I'm going to sue for damages. I don't know that I can…it would destroy Vanessa, and as much as I never want to see her again, I don't want to crush her."

Blair snatched her hand back and folded her arms. "I don't see why not."

Dan smiled. "Why does that not surprise me?"

"She was completely happy to send the rest of us to hell. I think she deserves everything that's coming to her."

"Blair, she's alone…a poor student in Barcelona…what am I going to do? Get her extradited from Spain? I don't really want to put myself through it all. Surely there's enough media attention around you at the moment for all of us. I think it's better to settle quietly. As alien a concept as that might be."

Blair narrowed her eyes at him. "Very crafty, Humphrey. Turn the tables on me. Well, two can play that game." She leaned back on the sofa and took a breath. "It appears I'm the only person you actually willingly let read your book. I want to know why?"

Dan looked startled. "I thought you understood? I didn't want the book published, Blair, but when it started happening, I wanted to give you a choice." He paused, searching for his next words. "There's a lot in my book that isn't fiction. I wanted you to know what I'd written about you."

"I don't see how that gave me a choice?"

"I guess…I didn't realise it would make you fly off the handle about Chuck again. I really didn't know what you would do." He paused, a silent laugh on his lips. "C'mon, Waldorf, do you even know what you're going to do at any given time. It's hardly surprising."

"I resent that, Humphrey! I pride myself on my forethought and good planning."

"Ahh…that's what it's called. Forgive me." He leaned back, looking across at her. "Let me start again. Blair, I almost came forward as the author when I first found out…but after…there is so much about you in it…I couldn't let it come out without giving you a choice in it's publication. When you attacked me, it seemed pretty clear what your answer was."

Blair looked down and clasped her hands firmly together in her lap. She raised her head after a moment and met his eyes. "Is it too late to reverse it? I mean to reinstate the publication?"

Dan stuttered. "I…I…don't know… I guess not, but…"

"Humphrey, you clearly haven't ever studied Voltaire…not that I'm in any way comparing you to him…you couldn't even…" She rolled her eyes. "Look, Dan, you should publish and let the consequences be damned. The best way to scotch any rumour is to band together, smile and say nothing. What's the worst thing that can happen?" She smirked. "Besides getting sued"

He turned his lips down. "That would be pretty bad."

"Dan, seriously, if you really are giving me a voice in this, then…don't stop the publication." Blair leaned forward and let her forehead rest on his arm. "It's not my story now. I changed my own ending." She stopped and then looked back up at him, her eyes dancing. "Of course it makes it a bit harder to sue…although I can probably still get a case together."

Dan couldn't speak. It took every bit of his will power not to lean forward and kiss her.

She continued. "I want you to be successful, Dan…the book." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "The book is truly great. It could be a best seller. And Serena will get over it…she almost is already and I know she wants you and I to be friends. Chuck loves how he's portrayed…even though I don't care what he thinks and neither should you. Everyone can just deal with it. People may speculate, but it's actually not going to matter when they see that it hasn't changed anyone's relationships."

"Blair?"

She looked down at the floor and then back up at him through her lashes with a half smile, making his heart stop. "I'm not the girl who broke the poor romantic writer's heart." She placed her hand on his knee. "And I need my friend."

Dan froze at the contact, swallowing all the words that rose to his lips.

He said the only safe thing he could think of.

"Blair, do you want to watch a movie with me?"


	8. Chapter 8

**I loved writing this chapter. I really hope you enjoy it! Please let me know if you do.**

**Dedicated to my fabulous reviewers.**

**I own nothing. If I did the show would be more like this…**

Serena walked out of the penthouse elevator to the increasingly familiar sight of Dan and Blair pouring over a shared computer screen, their heads close together.

They both looked up at the sound of her throat clearing. "Hey, I don't get it guys. You don't even go to the same college. How can you spend so much time studying?"

Blair raised her eyebrows. "There's just not enough academic rigour in Dan's coursework, he needs me to give it a boost." She nudged Dan with her elbow. "He also clearly needs my advice fixing up his crippled prose."

Serena looked at the ceiling and muttered. "Oh… I'm sure that's what it is." Neither of them heard her.

Dan tried to look hurt, but only managed amused. "Tell me how you really feel, Waldorf. I recall you saying my book was 'great'."

Blair giggled. "And you believed me? Humphrey, you are so gullible."

"Well, wait until you've read the reviews. You will find yourself alone in that opinion."

"You're setting up for a big fall one of these days. I think you should let me screen your reviews for you. I'll only let you read the ones I think are good for your ego."

Dan narrowed his eyes at her. "Good at deflating my ego you mean."

She replied innocently, opening her eyes wide. "Which ever."

"Butter wouldn't melt in your mouth, would it?"

"It wouldn't dare."

Serena's eyes revolved again. She shook her head at them and headed toward the stairs with a vague "goodnight."

Blair settled back on the sofa, taking up her book, while Dan plugged away at the laptop, trying to finish the referencing for his paper, letting out a groan every now and again.

Blair made an incensed sound. "Stop distracting me with those noises! I've read this last paragraph 3 times now."

"I can't find the reference I need."

"You spend more time chasing references than you do writing, Humphrey. You have no system."

"I know I know…Miss Methodical."

She blinked slowly at him. "I have to finish _Vanity Fair _by tomorrow for class. Shush."

"I can't believe you never read that before. Thackeray definitely had your measure when he wrote it."

"I am nothing like Becky Sharp. Take that back!"

"Alright, you're nothing like her… I don't know why I called you Sophie in my book. It should have been Becky…starts with a B…has the same number of letters..."

"Instead you called me after my almost mother in law."

"That was a bit of an oversight but I didn't get much of a chance to review it. I would have changed it to Beulah, had I the chance."

Blair gave him a mock glare and put her book face down. "You should go. I can't concentrate with your constant rambling."

"I'll be quiet, if you stop talking to me. I'm the one with the paper due." He turned back to the screen in front of him and sighed. "Actually, you're right. I should get home, it's late." He saved his document and closed the laptop. Blair stood and helped him gather his papers.

Dan stuffed his laptop in his bag and gave her half salute. "So, I guess I'll see you Sunday, for _Port of Shadows_?"

"_Quai des brumes_. I'll meet you there. Don't be late." She thrust a pile of class notes at his chest. "I've been waiting to see it. Bring tissues, you'll need them."

She walked over to the elevator doors. "Do you want the doorman to get you a cab? I can call down."

He smiled. "Concerned for my safety or trying to get rid of me? I can never tell." He raised his hand to touch her cheek, his eyes dark with affection. "My very own Becky Sharp."

Blair almost flinched at his touch. Dan felt her tense up and swiftly withdrew his fingers. His eyes dropped. "Uh…well…I'll see you."

Blair's eyes flickered everywhere but at him. "Ok…bye."

She stood and watched as the elevator light descended through the floors and then gathered up her book to read in bed. As she walked upstairs, she could still feel the pressure of Dan's fingertips on her cheek.

xoxoxoxoxox

It was strangely quiet when they left the cinema and found themselves standing on the street. Dan seemed pensive, his brow a little troubled. Blair resisted the impulse to stretch her hand out and smooth it with her fingers. They strolled down the sidewalk together, silently, unwilling or unable to discuss the heartbreaking story they had just watched.

Blair was the first to find words. "Well, that was everything I expected it to be, and a little more. Where are we going now?"

Dan answered distractedly. "Uh…I'm not sure. Do you want to get a coffee? It's still early and we could walk."

"We do that almost everyday, Humphrey. I'd like a drink. I don't have class tomorrow."

Dan looked unsure. "I don't know. That could be dangerous."

Blair flushed.

Dan cringed, his own face matching hers. "Uh! I mean…uh, only I have class tomorrow morning. I need to be sharp."

"You and the word sharp shouldn't be used in the same sentence, Humphrey." Blair's words came out harsher than she intended. She flushed further and picked up her pace.

He hurried after her. "Actually, Blair, a drink is probably exactly what I need right now. I just don't really have it in me to sit amongst hordes of people, trying to shout a conversation at you. But it's only 8 o'clock, we could find somewhere."

Blair turned to him. "Come back to mine. Serena's there, she said she was staying in. We can sit down and have a drink together. I've scarcely spoken to her all week."

"I could come for one drink, I guess. It would be nice to see Serena."

They ambled alongside the park until they reached her apartment building. The doorman eyeballed Dan as they went inside.

He whispered in her ear as the waited for the elevator. "Your doorman seriously doesn't like me."

Blair laughed. "He has the impression you are deranged. I'm in two minds whether to enlighten him."

'What? That I am or am not?"

She twinkled up at him. "Am, of course. But then he won't let you in and who's going to study with me then?"

They stood silently as the elevator ascended. Dan averted his eyes from her and tried not to think about the last time they'd had a drink together. Ignoring the way her yellow skirt was slightly see-through with the lighting in the elevator and he could see the clear line of her leg up to her…

The elevator doors opened and Blair's voice rang out through the penthouse. "Serena? Come and have a drink with us."

Silence echoed back at her.

"I'll check her room."

Blair walked up the stairs but returned moments later, alone. "She must have gone out. How unsurprising."

She looked at Dan with a little trepidation. "Well, don't just stand there. You know where the kitchen is. We need a drink."

"Blair, I can't even find tea in your kitchen."

"Follow me. I'll show you. So you'll know next time."

Dan trailed behind her to the kitchen and watched as she pulled glasses from a cupboard. "Red or white?"

"I don't care. You probably don't have any beer, I guess."

"Czech, Belgian or Polish? Cyrus drinks it and I get the last one for Dorota. "

"Czech. I wouldn't want to deprive Dorota"

She poured herself a glass of white wine and handed him a bottle, a glass and bottle opener.

He followed her through to the lounge and took a seat on the sofa. She sat next to him, kicking her shoes off. "Don't even think about putting that on the table without a coaster, Humphrey. That table…"

"…Is worth more than the entire contents of my apartment. I know, Blair."

He leaned back into the sofa, tilting his head and closing his eyes. Blair's eyes traced his profile and the stubble on his cheek. Her fingers itched once more to smooth the crease between his eyes.

She picked up her wine glass with both hands. "You're unusually quiet, Humphrey. What have I done to deserve such a pleasure?"

He opened his eyes and took a sip of his beer, ignoring her jibe. "I'm a little tired, I guess. That movie threw me somewhat. I'm feeling a bit off kilter…"

"I did see you giving those tissues a work out."

"That was you and you know it."

Blair sniffed and averted her head. Dan watched her, a wry smile on his lips.

She twirled her wineglass in her palm. "We could watch something else, if you have nothing to talk about. We'll have to turn it off when Serena get's home though, otherwise we'll drive her away."

Dan gave her half smile. "No, it's ok. It's nice just sitting here with you…it's just…" Dan stopped. "Never mind."

"Speak your mind, Humphrey."

"It's just… how do I say this?"

"Just say it, Humphrey, if you don't like the beer, try the Polish one, Dorota loves it."

"Blair, the beer is fine. Do you want to hear this or not?"

She nodded. Dan stared intently at her, his mouth moving slightly but staying mute.

"Humphrey, you have my full attention. Out with it"

He moved his hand unconsciously toward her. "Blair, I have to tell you, I'm struggling here… I can't pretend any longer that I don't feel the way I… I do towards you. And that you don't know it."

Blair felt her stomach go into freefall. "Dan, you were right. I think it was better when you were silent."

"Hear me out. You asked for it and now you're going to listen. I wanted to give you time, Blair. Give us time. I know what you put yourself through with Louis and Chuck and this is probably too soon. But it's hard for me, being around you all the time. It makes me want to be with you, entirely. I want everything from you. I don't think we should see each other so much. I know, I'm cutting my nose off to spite my face, but it's painful. And it's getting worse."

"I need you as my friend, Dan. Don't tell me you can't see me, because of a feeling. It doesn't make sense."

"I am your friend, Blair. But I can't go on without you knowing, understanding, that I feel more than that. You can do what you want with it."

"What am I meant to do with it?"

Dan leaned forward, placing his glass on the coaster. "I don't know. I know what I'd like you to do." He lowered his head further. "Do you think I'm made of wood, Blair? That I can just suppress what I feel for your sake. It's what I've been trying to do. But I'm done; I just can't hide it anymore. You've read the book. You have to understand how I feel about you?"

Blair put down her glass, sloshing the contents. "The only thing I understood from your book, Dan, was that you made my character marry someone else and you ended up alone. _David_ didn't love _Sophie_ enough to support her through the mess she had made of her life."

Dan turned to her, his brows creased further. "Are you for real?"

Blair returned his gaze, anger brewing in her eyes. "In the book, you rejected me! _Sophie_ would have left _Henri_ to be with _David_!"

"Blair, it was everything _David_ wanted but it would have destroyed _Sophie_. A future queen running away to be with a poor writer? It would have ruined us…them…both."

"I don't believe you." Blair felt her eyes fill and blinked furiously to keep the tears back. "It's exactly what happened to me with Chuck. He didn't want me to leave Louis to be with him. And it was too hard for _David _to be with_ Sophie. _You wrote it, Dan!_"_

Dan looked perplexed. "I don't understand, Blair.

"Dan! I didn't want _Sophie _leave _David. _It was most of why I was so angry with you. In fact, entirely why! That realisation was the one that made me mess up my entire life." She tears she had struggled to control started to run down her cheeks.

Dan captured her hands in his own. "Blair…you still don't get it. You are the girl who broke _David's _heart…my heart…even if it's only because I let you. And I'm going to let you keep breaking it, if I see you all the time, because I can't help myself. Don't you understand I wrote that because I feel so much for you? I said we were friends only because I wanted you in my life any way I can. But it's torturing me."

"I don't know what I feel for you, Dan, but don't leave me. Don't say you don't want to see me. I can't bear it. You're the only thing I have at the moment."

"I'm not going to leave you, Blair. I can't…I couldn't…"

They gazed at each other silently. Blair finally gave into her impulse and ran her fingertips over his brow, trying to smooth the lines. He closed her eyes at her touch.

She drew in deep breath, trying to release the pressure in her chest. "Maybe we should kiss again to see what we feel."

Dan's eyes snapped open, looking at her in disbelief. "I don't need another test kiss, Blair! I know how I feel about you. I want to kiss you for real. I feel like you're toying with me. I'm not a plaything."

Blair clenched her hands in his shirt, pulling him toward her. His lips met hers in a rush, mouth open. He kept his hands by his side, allowing her to control the kiss. She clutched his arms, pulling him closer.

He pulled away first and looked intently at her. "What do you feel now?"

She looked at him, speechless for a moment. "…I can't tell. We'd better…" She pulled him to her again.

This time he let his arms snake around her, one hand burying itself in her hair, the other wrapping tightly around her waist. Blair relaxed into his arms, deepening the kiss further.

He wrenched his mouth away again, keeping his arms around her. "Tell me what you feel, Blair."

She was breathless. "…I want you to keep kissing me."

He shifted his head back. "Talk to me, Blair."

She dropped her eyes. "I want _Sophie _to end up with _David_."

He lifted her chin with his fingers. "But what about Dan and Blair? Two words joined in sentence..."

She reached her arms around his neck. "Well, if I can't have it any other way, I guess, but I prefer Humphrey and Waldorf. I'll just have to put up with the kissing." She leaned forward and kissed him again, refuting her words.

He groaned into her mouth, letting himself go. His fingers entwined in her hair as she opened her mouth to his, his firm tongue delving into her mouth. Warmth moved through her body. She smiled into his lips and pulled away. "So this is what all those soulful looks were for. I just thought you were just hungry all the time."

He spread his fingers across her cheek. "Blair, you're not fucking with me are you? I need to know this is for real."

She rested her head on his shoulder, looking up at him with hooded eyes. "Dan, if I'm honest with myself, I think I've wanted this for some time. But I don't want to ruin what we have for the sake of a few kisses."

He leaned into her neck, punctuationg his words with kisses. "_Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then another thousand, then a second hundred, then yet another thousand more, then another hundred_."

"Oh…" Blair felt a shiver run down her spine and breathlessly turned her head to give him better access to her neck. "Those can't be Humphrey's words…"

"Catullus. Humphrey would be far more graphic."

Blair giggled and reluctantly moved away from him. Dan groaned and reached for her. "Where are you going?"

She stood up, taking both of his hands in hers. "Come with me to my room. I don't want Serena walking in on us."

Dan stood up. "Serena knows how I feel about you."

Blair's mouth dropped open. "Then…why didn't she tell me?"

"It's not really her place, Blair."

"I guess that would be pretty uncomfortable… and she was ok with it, Dan? It doesn't make sense?"

"I don't know, Blair, I'm not really thinking about Serena at the moment. She was ok with it. Just. I think. I don't really care."

"This isn't the moment I want to find out. Come with me." They walked up the stairs to her bedroom, Dan scarcely believing it was actually happening. She closed the door behind them and walked directly into his open arms, burying her face in his chest.

"I need to take this slow, Dan. After Louis…and Chuck…"

He tightened his arms around her. "Oh, we can do that. After all, we've only been on endless non-dates; slept together numerous times; had sex; you've pulled my hair; I wrote a novel about you. We can take it slow."

She released a watery giggle into his shirt. "I mean it, Dan. I need to learn how to like myself again."

He bent his lips to her hair. "I might be able help you with that. There are many things I like about you, there's bound to be some I can point out to you."

Blair pressed in closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

His voice deepened. "For instance, I like the way you smell, and I like the way my chin just fits over the top of your head…like this…when you've got no shoes on. In fact, I really like the top of your head, although, regrettably, there's no headband there at the moment for me to admire." He pulled back, lifting her chin from his chest. "And I'd really like it if you would lift your head up so I could kiss you again…or are we taking it that slow?"

She obliged and raised her head, looking candidly up at him. He lifted his hand up to her cheek. "Blair, I more than like you. Will you give me a chance to show you?"

She nodded silently and he lowered his head to hers.


	9. Chapter 9

**Final Chapter: Capital M for sMut. This is probably a little self-indulgent but I had half of it written before I finished the first chapter. Kind of a meandering way to get there, I know. Next time I should probably just make it a one shot and get right to the point. **

**Not mine, as you know.**

The sense of comfort Dan felt when he awoke was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Smothered in down, sinking into cloud-like pillows and Blair nestled against him, his arms draped around her. Her warm scent taunted him, making him hyper aware of her proximity. He knew if she woke, she'd be aware of it too. Moving awkwardly so not to wake her, he slowly slipped his arms from her, shuffling deliberately toward the edge of the bed.

He sat for a moment, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest. The strap of her camisole slipping off her shoulder. The dark sweep of her lashes shadowed on her cheek. Pale translucent skin, like a Snow White he wanted to kiss awake. His body told him to slip back into bed again beside her and submit to his baser instincts.

Slow. That's what she wanted…needed…and what Blair Waldorf wanted, she got.

Dan picked his jeans up off the floor and slipped them on over his boxers. He opened the door cautiously, listening intently for sounds of life in the house. Feeling relief at the silence. No Serena, no Dorota. They were in the clear.

The thought of Serena made his thoughts drift back to their extended conversations the night before.

She had been resting her body against his, head on his shoulder, looking up at him. He had felt his heart beating a steady rhythm against her cheek. Her words came clearly, unconnected to her previous whispers.

"So, what about Serena?"

"What about her?" His lips found the pulse at her temple.

Blair closed her eyes, momentarily, before reasserting her point. "What are we going to tell her?"

His eyebrow quirked. "I don't know if it's so much _what_ but _when _are we going to tell her."

"Same difference." Blair had drawn her brows together, reaching over to cover his hand with her own, smoothing her palm over his skin. "Dan, can we keep it…this…quiet for a while? I...I…the media has only just backed off after Louis and I'm not so keen on the mayhem that will ensue once this gets out." Her tone grew more acerbic. "Why couldn't your book just be lost and forgotten amongst the other pile of trash new releases? You really should stop promoting it."

"Too bad, Waldorf, the book tour is already locked in." His head fell back in the pillows. "We need to tell Serena though."

"Yes…but can we at least leave it for a few days? Keep it our secret." She smiled coyly at him. "I like having secrets with you, Humphrey. I always have."

He laughed at that and rolled them over so her face lay against his, trapping her mouth with his own.

Her voice was breathless when she found it again. "I'm not finished talking about Serena."

"Forget about Serena." Whispering into her ear and nuzzling into soft skin.

Tilting her head allow him clear access but refusing to be distracted from her question. "I can't believe that she is out of your mind. She was your dream girl. She's everyone's dream."

"_Was_ is the operative word." She rolled her head back toward him, forcing him to withdraw from her neck. An amused expression crossed his face as he pulled back, scanning her face. "Oh ho…are we insecure? That's rich."

She turned away from him. "You deal with your insecurities and I'll deal with mine!"

He ran his hand down her arm. "I admit, I like you jealous. But there's no need for it. I haven't thought about Serena like that for a long time now." She turned back toward him, silent, as if waiting for more confessions. "Serena was an ideal to me, like a dream, as you say." Her breath became agitated. "What I felt for her was real, what we had…but…it just became so much hard work. The gloss came off and I never found it again. You…however..." His fingers drifted up her spine, feeling the silken slide of her camisole against her skin "...You grew on me slowly."

"I'm not lichen, Humphrey."

"Exactly like lichen. Insidiously creeping into my heart." Smiling into her hair. "You have always provoked me. I have wanted to strangle you…you know it. But you fascinated me; I thought you were everything I wasn't. You are so courageous, fiercely defensive of the people you love, but you expect so much from them in return. They have to deserve you, win your affection. And it's true you are a prize. I want to win you."

"You're winning. Just keep talking." She moved up the bed, resting her face close to his, almost nose to nose. Her dark eyes swimming against his, their breath mingling.

"…Keep talking…uh…when I write about you, words can't come fast enough. It's been like that since I met you. You can read my journals if you don't believe me. Pages and pages about Blair Waldorf."

"… And how much you hated her…" Blair's face loomed closer.

"Yes, how much she infuriated me. And how complex she was, how strong, how unique, how clever." His lips crossed the small distance between them. "And more recently…how sexy she was."

"That's charming. Dan's dirty diaries." Her pink cheeks belied the sneer in her voice.

"You won't be able to find the x-rated ones." He winked at her. "I did have to rewrite that scene in_ Inside _a few times before I got it right. I have a much more, shall we say, extended version."

Blair's eyebrows shot up, her mouth forming a circle. "Dan! What if someone... Vanessa's probably got it!"

"Blair, relax. It doesn't exist, I'm teasing you."

She narrowed her eyes. "You are so sly. I don't believe you…I'll find it."

"Great, I can see exactly how this is going to pan out, every time you're alone in my space, you're going to rummage through my stuff, looking for something that doesn't even exist…" Blair compressed her lips and said nothing. His turned up in the corners. "See…I know you…you're not even denying it."

Blair dropped her eyes to his grinning mouth. It grew wider. "I think you like the idea…" Dan leaned in and kissed her. "Admit it…you want it to exist."

She closed her eyes, a flush spreading across her face…

Dan smiled as he tried to locate the kettle in Blair's kitchen.

xoxoxoxoxox

Blair stretched like a cat as she awoke. She felt the warm patch of empty bed next to her and rolled into it, burying her face in the pillow Dan had just departed from. She inhaled deeply, letting herself drift back into dream.

His calloused, chewed fingers tracing patterns into her skin, making it tremble. So different to the manicured digits she was familiar with.

"Close your eyes." He obliged her. She swept her mouth up against his softly, just barely brushing his lips with hers. His closed eyes lent a vulnerability to his face and she leaned in to kiss him again, just tasting him. He lifted his chin, trying to catch her lips but they evaded him.

His eyelids flickered, trying to track her movements. "No cheating, Humphrey."

He clamped his eyes firmly shut once more. "I didn't realise it was a game."

"Of course it's a game." Placing her fingers over his eyes, lashes brushing against their tips.

His head nudged up into her hand. "Stop teasing me."

Tracing his lips and teeth, catching her nails on stubble. "What are you going to do about it?"

"This." Dan rolled her over onto her back, settling between her thighs. Her head rested between his hands, his thumbs sketching across her cheeks. His mouth closing over hers.

Her eyes snapped open at a loud smash, startling her from her reverie. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, following the noise downstairs, draping her dressing gown around her.

She found him in the kitchen, hair falling over his forehead as he inspected the pieces of shattered porcelain lying at his feet. His shirt was open, jeans riding low on his hips. Her eyes traced the v at the base of his belly and back up to his bemused expression.

"I can think of better ways you could have woken me than by destroying my mothers Doulton."

Dan lifted his eyes from the floor, a smile blossoming slowly on his face. His eyes trailed up her body, lingering on the length of exposed leg below her short dressing gown. "Good morning to you too. Did you sleep well?"

Her tones softened. "Better than I have for months, until you started blundering around my kitchen. Leave that. Dorota can clean it up later."

"I didn't mean to wake you but I thought you might like some tea."

"You're making me tea, Humphrey?"

"Uh, well, I wanted to bring it to you in bed, but…"

"No one has ever done that for me, who wasn't getting paid." She smiled archly at him. "You better watch out, Dorota might think you're trying to usurp her place."

"I think I'd lose that battle. Come here." He opened his arms and she moved forward into them.

"That's better. Good morning." She whispered up into his lips.

"Mmmmm." He pressed his mouth down on hers. Blair quivered and moved closer to him. Her lips opened beneath his, welcoming his kiss. He moved her away from the shards of crockery and lifted her onto a stool, letting her legs wrap around his hips, her fingers teasing his hair as his hands slid around her ribcage.

Dan pulled away, breathless. "So, is this slow?"

"This is slow, Cabbage Patch…"

"Cabbage Patch, huh? That's certainly a mood killer."

"I don't think so. It just depends on how you say it." She lowered her voice and looked suggestively up at him through her lashes. "_Cabbage Patch_, I'm going back to bed. Care to follow me?"

His eyes darkened and he lowered his head to her neck, kissing the hollow at the base of her throat. "When you look at me like that…say that to me…you could call me anything…"

She moved closer to feel more of him, running her hands up under his shirt, his body stirring against hers as she tugged the curls at the nape of his neck. He murmured into her lips, moving his hands down to her buttocks and pressing her closer.

A shrill noise distracted them. "Oh God..."

They looked up to see Serena at the door, wide-eyed and very pink. She turned away from them, looking at her phone. "Excuse me, while I go and poke my eyes out."

Blair stuttered, pushing Dan away and sliding to the floor. "S…Serena. I didn't know you were home. I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm not surprised. I got home last night but I thought you must have been asleep." Her eyes switched between them. "I didn't know Dan was here."

"It's not what it looks like. It only just happened."

"Blair, I'm sure it's exactly what it looks like…it's pretty hard to mistake. "

Blair had the grace to blush. Dan just gave Serena an intent look, as if willing her far away.

"We were going to tell you."

"It's ok, Blair, do you think I didn't see this coming from a mile off? It's been obvious to everyone but you." She tossed her head, avoiding their eyes. "Well, I've got to go, or I'll be late for work."

"Stay, Serena, have some tea. Dan made it, I'm sure it's undrinkable." Dan still contributed nothing.

"I don't think so, I'm never going to let anything from this kitchen pass my lips after this. And I can see when I'm not welcome…Dan…I'll leave you to it."

Blair narrowed her eyes. "Serena. It's ok if this makes you feel awkward. We can talk about this."

"This is awkward, believe me. But it's better than when you wanted to kill him, unless you were actually trying to suffocate him." Her eyes flickered between them.

Dan stepped forward before she could back out of the room. "Uh…Serena, thank you, for your help, for everything. This could never have happened if it weren't for you."

Blair added. "S, I never imagined you'd be so forgiving."

"Well, I don't see what I have to forgive, except your appalling behaviour. The angst coming from you both was cute, as was the merciless flirting, but it was getting a little boring. If the only way I could get either of you back, in some semblance of normality, is…like this…then so be it. Now, I really am out of here. "

With those parting words, Serena collected her bag and quit the apartment as quickly as possible. Her lips twisted a little as she looked at her phone, composing a message before she could change her mind.

Blair moved closer to Dan so they stood together in the kitchen. He lifted his hand to her chin and ran his thumb over the plump curve of her bottom lip. "Blair…"

She lowered her eyelids. "I'm going back to bed, Humphrey, Dorota will be here soon. You can bring the tea, I'm not missing out on you waiting on me…besides I like cold tea…"

She walked out of the kitchen, demurely lowering her head. Dan grabbed the tray he had prepared, following the line of her legs as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom, looking behind her. Smirking at the difficult time he was experiencing trying to balance the tray, walk up the stairs and watch her at the same time.

She waited at her door as he came through and flicked the lock behind him. "No unwelcome interruptions."

Both their phones sounded a message alert simultaneously. It could only herald one thing.

Blair rolled her eyes and claimed her phone from her dressing table. It opened to reveal an image of Blair locked in Dan's arms, her mouth on his, legs tight around hips, hands under his shirt. Close enough to be engaged in sex, if it weren't for the rumpled clothing trapped between them.

Blair felt heat rush up her body. From the embarrassment or something else, she couldn't tell. "I'm going to murder Serena!"

She held the phone up to him so he could see the compromising photo and the accompanying text.

_Just in, Upper East Siders. An inside scoop on our Insider. Things are certainly heating up in Queen B's kitchen. Our photo reveals lonely boy's perpetual loneliness could be at an end. Consoling ourselves in the gutter are we, B? Given the current queue of broken hearts behind our queen, we can only wonder how long this might last. _

Blair's face flushed further. "So much for keeping this quiet. Look at it!"

"I am looking, Blair. I guess our secret's out."

"Clearly, Humphrey. What am I going to do with you?" She stepped around him and wound her arms across his waist, running her hands up his chest, feeling the swell of his tensed muscles. "Should I kick you out or keep you?" Tracking the line of his abdomen with her fingers, her breath against the skin of his back. "I think I'll keep you."

Dan closed his eyes, finding himself trapped, unable to turn to her like he wanted, unable to move forward and put the tray down. He felt it tipping and tried to steady his hands. "Can I just put this down?"

"Hmmm, dilemma, you being helpless at my hands…good…tea on my carpet…bad" She kept her arms around him. She ran her fingertips almost imperceptibly around the waistband of his jeans, pausing on his hipbones and tracing further down.

He groaned. "I'm not going to be responsible for my actions, if you keep that up."

Blair whispered into his ear. "Be vigilant, Humphrey." She dropped her dressing gown to the floor and slipped under his arm, between the tray and his chest. She pushed his shirt over his shoulders and down his back, trapping his arms further.

She looked up and placed her hands on his chest, running her palms over his nipples. "Let's see how firm your resolve can be." Her hands moved to his fly, cupping the contents with her palm.

Dan's breath shuddered. "Isn't it a little soon in our relationship to introduce torture, Waldorf?"

"Humphrey, I thought that was our entire premise."

Blair unbuttoned his fly, pushing his zip down and easing the fabric over his hips. His boxers followed the same path down his thighs. Her fingers traced back up his inner leg, stopping short, until she kissed her way down his stomach. He felt her hot breath and the anticipation of her mouth nearly overtook him.

"Blair, I can't keep this up much longer."

One brow lifted. "It doesn't look like you're having any problems with that from here."

He looked down and watched her cherry red lips engulf him, dark eyes looking up. Her cheeks hollowed as she pulled back and he felt the pressure of her tongue on the tip of his cock.

"Ohhhh…Blair."

The contents of the tea tray crashed to floor, followed promptly by the tray itself.

"Jesus! Blair…"

Dan's hands moved to Blair's head, entangling with her hair. She pulled from him, head resting back in his fingers, her own tracing his thighs. "You've ruined the set now. Eleanor isn't going to be happy with you."

"So, it's my fault?"

Her mouth moved forward so he could feel her whisper against him. "Definitely. You have no self control."

Dan pulled her to her feet. His hands reached round her, buried in her hair, moving down to cup her ass, pushing up the silk of her shorts. He pressed her closer, open mouthed, trying to communicate his passion.

The door handle rattled violently. "Miss Blair, are you ok? You have broke something again?"

Blair tore her mouth away from Dan's. Her voice came breathlessly. "It's fine, Dorota, I can handle it."

Dorota knocked loudly. "Miss Blair, I clean up!"

Blair's voice sounded louder, venting her frustration. "Dorota! Go away!"

They collapsed back on the bed, the jeans still wrapped around Dan's feet making him stagger. Blair straddled him, tugging off his shirt, her knees either side of his thighs. He ran his hands down her back, shifting her to feel the pressure of her pelvis against him. She pressed down on him, plunging her tongue deep into his mouth.

He rubbed the thin straps of her camisole against her shoulders. "Clothes…in the way…let me see you." His mouth followed the track of his fingers as he pushed the camisole down over her chest. He cupped a breast in his hand, cream and raspberry, teasing the tip with his tongue. She moaned and rolled her head forward, running her fingers into his hair, making him draw it further into his mouth.

He traced his hand down her stomach as she writhed. Softer skin than he could possibly have imagined. Slipping inside her waistband as his mouth wound its way back and forth between her nipples.

He withdrew his lips, watching her features contort from the touch of his fingers. Seeking, he reached further, strumming his fingers into the cramped space between them.

"Dan…" She breathed his name, grinding her hips down voluptuously. She caught her tongue between her teeth, dissolving into the feeling of his long fingers inside her, his thumb pressing against her. He felt the moist silk at her crotch slipping aside as she rubbed against his stiff cock.

He moved his head up to her ear, his voice urgent. "Blair. Condoms. Do you have any?"

"Uh…yes… top drawer…right side…" She rolled her shoulders forward, mouth on his shoulder.

Dan groaned. "Blair…" He withdrew his hand.

"Ok! I'll get them. I don't recall you being so concerned.

"Call me safety boy. Neither of us were thinking last time."

Blair conceded by dropping her eyelids and pulled away from him. He took the opportunity to kick the jeans from his feet.

She stood between his open thighs and he shuffled forward to kiss her belly as she struggled with the condom wrapper. Hands tracing the back of her thighs, his fingers dipping and teasing. Her legs shifted apart as he shimmied her shorts and camisole over her hips. His lips followed their descent, eyes sneaking to watch her face.

Her chest rose faster. "Humphrey, you're distracting me…"

"Good."

Dan lowered his head, dipping his mouth to her, tasting her. She dropped her hands to his head, willing him closer. He cupped her buttocks in both hands when he felt her knees give, supporting her body as it sagged into him. His mouth bore down upon her, tongue seeking, and she gasped, her fingers tensing in his curls. Grinding her hips into him, his mouth and tongue moving, finding her rhythm. She stuttered his name as her whole body tensed. Shuddering as he took her whole weight in his arms.

He collapsed backward, landing on his elbows; Blair exposed to him, sitting across his knees, drunk from the sight. She leaned forward and claimed his mouth, tasting the salt on his lips. Using both hands to unroll the condom over him, all dark eyed urgency. Moisture on her thighs as she straddled him, using her fingers to steer his way. Her head fell back as he sat up to grasp her hips in his hands, sinking into her depths, fathoms deep.

Sweat traced a line between her breasts and Dan leaned closer, tasting it with his tongue, forging a path of heat through her. She rotated her hips forward, lips moving wordlessly. His hands moved up her back, pressing her body closer as she clutched at his shoulders. Her hand reached for him, lifting his mouth to meet hers. Grinding deeper, tongue on tongue, twisting her hands into his hair to hold him nearer.

He raised his hips to increase his traction as she tilted her pelvis against his, humming incoherently into his mouth. He pulled his face away, dipping his head back, her name on his lips, thrusting into her, holding her hips as she surged against him. Blair's lips contorted as her back arched and she bit down on his shoulder to stifle her response.

They fell back together into her bed. Flush faced, lips clinging to skin, pulses mingling. Wordless. Blair ran her fingers into Dan's hair, her thumb tracing across his brows.

Dan kissed her, lips lingering upon hers and then withdrew to dispose of the condom. He pulled the bed covers back and gathered her up underneath them, rolling her into his arms.

She kept her hands to his face, watching the corners of his mouth twitch. "What is circulating around in that little mind of yours?"

"I'm thinking…how best to translate that into prose."

Blair raised herself onto her elbow, taking in the tilt of his head and the quiver in his lips, and slapped his arm. "If you ever dare publish anything about me again, I will kill you."

His smirk widened into a smile. "But…Blair…I should write more books starring _Sophie_…I could redeem her reputation. What do you think of a crime series, kind of a…Nancy Drew meets Vogue type thing? _Sophie_ the glamour detective, celebrated for her persistence against fashion crime. "

"That would be appalling."

"Or I could make her a villain, who becomes so notorious, that I have to kill her off in some kind of dramatic moral lesson."

Her eyes widened in mock outrage. "No! You can't kill me off."

Kissing her on the neck. "…I've got it… How about the amorous adventures of _Sophie_? A young girls erotic journey from Manhattan to Monaco."

Blair started giggling. "Too soon, Humphrey."

"It'll take a lot of research though, for such a convoluted story." He drew his hand down the long white curve of her back. "I'd better keep at it."

**Acknowledgements to Georgette Heyer and Seinfeld for some of the ending.**

**Thanks again to all my reviewers. **

**A seed for a new next story is currently germinating in my head. I hope you all stay tuned.**


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